The Definition of Stress Eating

It's official. I am a stress eater. I took a quiz and met the requirements. As a matter of fact, I answered yes to every question. "When you are stressed, do you eat without thinking?" Absolutely. "When you are stressed, do you crave carbohydrates?" This took some thought as I don't really crave anything in particular but look more for geographic location. What is closest? If that is an apple, I'm good. If it's a box of See's candy, you can see the problem. "Do you find yourself thinking about food when you are stressed?" Again, had to put some thought in. I find myself thinking about food lately most of the time. Now, using the if A=B and B=C, method, A=C which could mean that I am just stressed all of the time. Or I have Prader-Willi syndrome and you may want to put a padlock on my refrigerator. Sooo...in any case...I've always been told that having a diagnosis is always better. At least then you can treat the illness. Now I just need to determine the treatment plan.

You may be asking, "why are you stressed?" Let me take a short moment and describe the past three months. The past three months have brought three internal audits for accreditation prep and one external audit. The second is next week. We run a very good ship but I am a bit audited out now. Its amazing how time consuming accreditation prep can be even when you are crossing your t's and dotting your i's all along. I'm going through various changes in a few other programs that I oversee...again, positive in nature but very time consuming. This is all while continuing to do the daily operations that are a crap shoot when it comes to time planning. Some days are quiet....some are absolutely crazy. Where is that candy?

I started school in January. I just finished my first term. Let me give you insight as to what type of student I am. I missed four points this term. Out of 1000 possible points, I received 996. I am the definition of Type A. Where was my focus at the end of the term? How did I miss those four points? Arghhh. I would hate to be my own instructor. How sad is that? Isn't there a bag of corn chips around here anywhere?

Overall, my life is pretty great. I work with a skilled team of instructors that will pitch in to help with anything I need. I have learned, however, that I am not a great communicator. Several situations have arisen lately that have more than proven that. This has lead to me doing a majority of tasks myself. Now there are some tasks that I have attempted to delegate, only to find myself grabbing them back later. Again....I'm starting to see that this is from lack of appropriate training time given to the receiver, not necessarily a lack of desire to help. But...taking that time to train other people stresses me out, I'm discovering. Where did that bag of pretzels go?

So...much of my stress level is self inflicted. I think that is where I'm going to start. What can I delegate effectively? How can I work on my communication skills? Is it OK to get a B? Ok...I'm feeling a snack attack coming on just thinking about it. I just popped some gum. Hmmm....helping. I'm chewing but not really eating. This may work. Maybe if I invest in gum during the week, I can get this thing under control. I'm thinking, maybe about 30-40 packs? I agree...that's pretty optimistic. Better make it 50. My staff will tell you that I'm fortunate to not be a smoker. I am a chain-chewer. When I do chew gum, I can go through a whole pack in an hour. Scary, isn't it?

So this is my plan for today. Hmmmm.....come up with a plan.....today. Something to take my stress level down and help me get this stress eating under control. I have gained back ten of the pounds that I lost. There...I said it. It's out there now. If I don't stop, I will no longer look like an apple but will take on a full melon form. Or even worse, I will start looking like Jaba the Hut. I still have some semblance of an hour glass form (Albeit a very large hourglass!). Time to get back on track (please don't go back through my blog to see how many times I have said that!). I would like to be around to see my grand-kids and enjoy retirement. Keep me in your prayers. Love to you all!

The Curse of the Crumbly Cupcakes

If you read my last post, you understand that I have several reasons to loose weight. Bad genetics and high blood pressure top the list. After yesterday, I have another. I battled with myself on whether I should write about this or not. It's a bit...embarrassing. Then I read my earlier posts and decided that if you had hit the TMI point, it would have been much earlier.

Yesterday was a weird day for me. I woke up stuffy and a bit unfocused. Ok, I realize "unfocused" is normal but the "stuffy" was making it worse. I went through the day cleaning and doing homework as usual. We also had our 15 year old doggie put to sleep. Very sad but he was unable to get up and down anymore. Tommy looked at me afterward with a look that said that I better never get arthritis.

Then came the family day at my sons' high school. The game was wonderful. We were playing a team ranked number 6 in the city and lost by one point. And, I might add, almost made that last shot. Afterward, we were putting food away and were helping ourselves to homemade cupcakes. Now, I know what your thinking. Why, after stating that I was serious about loosing weight, was I eating a cupcake? It's because you weren't there to tackle me to the ground. Take some responsibility here! Well.....You weren't there but God was! He saw. What happened next can only be described as his way of making himself known.

The cupcake was wonderful...light and airy...and crummy. I mean....with a lot of crumbs. A lot of crumbs that apparently got stuck in my trachea. I coughed and took a very slow breath in. It didn't clear. I coughed harder and realized that there was a very little space that air was actually moving. I handed the cupcake to Eric and moved outside....coughing and wheezing. Now, as a nurse, I will comment that the number one thing to not do if you are having problems breathing? Be polite and go outside! If you are going to pass out, inconvenience everyone and do it in front of them! They may step over you and continue to do their tasks but at least one person will think to call 911.

Now, I was able to clear a larger airway but the crumbs were still in there. They were very tenacious. Somehow, they all joined their little crumb hands and made a big crumb ball. I continued to cough for about five minutes (no exaggeration here!) harder and harder. Ok, women.....what happens when you cough? ....or laugh?....or do anything requiring your diaphragm to contract? Yep....it happened. I started to pee. It was a vicious cycle. Cough....feel my bladder contract....stop coughing...stop breathing....cough.....feel my bladder contract....

As I was coughing, I removed my jacket to tie it around my waist. Now this was already uncomfortable since my jacket is on to cover my stomach. At that point, I decided that confirming to everyone that I was fat was better than giving them confirmation that I was incontinent.

Now my poor husband is watching this whole display and asking if he should step in. He is well aware that when I am sick or in pain, leave me alone. I'm not nice. He looked perplexed when I took off my jacket. What does that mean? The universal sign for choking is grabbing your throat with your hands. Did they change the sign? Is it now taking off your jacket? What is she doing?

I did explain when we were driving home. I also did notice him look over and most likely think...why are we in MY car? I did eventually clear my throat. Now this is the second time that I have choked in the past week. The first time was on a piece of carne asada. Too big a piece and not chewed well, I suppose. I realized that time that I couldn't get any air in. I tried clearing with the cough but then had to pull the meat out of my throat. How do I know that I have a eating disorder? I was really bummed, once I could breathe, that the last piece of meat was now in the trash. It's a sickness, I tell you! Now, that time I was at home. I could have peed my pants and no one would have known. Life is cruel.

So......my new reason for loosing weight? If I'm going to choke again, I definitely do not want to repeat this outcome. Loosing weight helps with joint problems, cardiovascular issues and overall self esteem problems. It's time. No more cupcakes. God is watching. And his wrath is one I would like to avoid in the future. Especially at my sons basketball games. Being a teenager is hard enough - add the fact that your mother peed her pants and it could just make it unbearable.

Love to you all!

Comfortable with Corpse pose

So....I started my exercise regimen. I began with yoga on Saturday. Mind you, this was a one and one-half hour class. With a woman that looks like mother earth in spandex. I twisted my body into many different positions that I didn't think I could achieve. One position was on hands and knees with my left foot and right hand meeting over my back. Please, try to picture that on a normal person, rather than on me. Another position is where you spread your legs and try to put your head on the floor. My least favorite is the crazy number of leg lifts that this instructor favors. I feel my abdomen. It is underneath about twenty pounds of fat but I feel it stirring....and in pain. Now, let me tell you that i have been unnaturally tired lately. This is not a good combination with yoga. Especially when they turn off the lights for Shavasana or corpse pose. This...is....very...relaxing. I fell asleep....and not quietly, from what Loree told me. In a room of very quiet corpses, I was the only one snoring. I will need to find another yoga class.

About a month ago, I bought the Sketcher Shape Up shoes. Loree now says that I should be their spokesperson. I have fallen in love with this incredibly odd looking footwear. My son says that look like Buzz Lightyear shoes. I don't care. I love them. More than I love him. (just kidding, Tommy. I love you both equally). I found a new use for them today.

I go to a very racially diverse church. We no longer look at each other as culturally different. Today a line was drawn that segregated us, no matter how hard we have tried to fight it. We have been separated into....those that can dance and those that can't. During one upbeat song, we were challenged to sway with the music. Guess what happens when you put on shoes with a rounded bottom. You can sway. You can sway in time to the music. Yes its true....in my new tennis shoes, I can forgo my Kentucky heritage. I can...using the term loosely....dance. Again...I will ask that you get the visual without me in mind. I don't' even want to see myself dancing. Thankfully, there were no mirrors. Especially since we were swaying, singing, clapping and even stomping at one point in the song. I stopped at the swaying, singing and clapping. I didn't want to push my luck and end up on my butt. God is good. He give us wisdom to know our limitations.

A new week is starting. Have you noticed that diets always start on Mondays. Tomorrow, I will jump in head first to getting back on track. Say a prayer for me. I love food. I don't enjoy exercise. Pray for my mind to get those sentiments swapped. I'd like to see my grandchildren when they are born. I'd like to take them to Yoga with me so we can nap together.

Have a good night everyone - Monday is coming!

If you see me coughing....

It's happened. I am officially in the "if you don't loose weight, bad things Will happen" category. I started feeling light headed this week and went to the MD. My assistant walked me out...in the rain...and refused to let me back in until I went to the MD. That girl has much to much power. I'll have to think on that when this lightheadedness goes away.

I have, unfortunately, a horrible family history. My father has had a triple bypass and my mother passed away from stroke related issues. Genetically, I hit the cardiovascular lottery. Not the good one...The MD that I saw this week was a true delight, however. He has been my GP for two years now. We had never met, which may tell you how often I go to the doctor. He was a young Asian man that does card tricks. And will explain to you about the most common side effects to your medication options. I had a choice of low heart rate, frequent urination (which I must say I already have!), sexual dysfunction or cough. I chose cough. If we are having a conversation and I seem to be coughing frequently, it is because I still wanted my heart beating, didn't want to have to interrupt to pee and well....you know. Nuff said. I had to laugh when he explained about the low heart rate making it difficult to exercise. I responded that I truly didn't need anything to help me "not" exercise. I had that down pretty well.

When I first came in, the nurse asked me to step on the scale. I assured her that this would not bring my blood pressure down. She insisted. It was ugly. I have gained 10 pounds. Then she took my blood pressure. Amazingly it was still high. I think it may be the scale. They scare me.

So....what is the point of this? I am enlisting my friends. If you see me with an ice cream, chocolate or hmmmm... a peanut butter ball, you have every right to tackle me to the ground and call me an idiot. I will then cough in your face but will appreciate your love and affection for me. Time to get serious. Loree is picking me up for Yoga. I once again will begin forcing my apple shape to become a tree...or a crane...or a downward dog. It's not pretty but it's time.

Love to you all!

Breaking out the Velour

The Holiday season is upon us. Food is everywhere...and I mean...everywhere. Thanksgiving was yesterday and I believe I am still digesting the meal...and possibly some of the alcohol. Please remember, I am a total lightweight. I was in bed by 8:30 after drinking a few Mango Smirnoff's. Our plan was to drive to Yuma to see my brothers family and return at nightfall. After a day of food coma and a few drinks, we were in the camper spending the night.

We had a great trip. Our original plan was to have the whole family (+girlfriends) with us. We opted to rent an ark (otherwise known as an Expedition) for the drive as we were also taking my sister and her kids. After basketball practice, flu symptoms and scheduling issues, it was me, Eric, my sister (Lisa) and her two kids...in a really, really big SUV. Eric is secretly looking on line for a good price, I know it. He was in love. It was big....it had GPS and satellite radio....and it drove very smooth for such a large vehicle. I keep looking outside.... I know one is going to turn up in my driveway at some point.

Back home today, I pulled out the cookbooks. Hmmmm....what to bake this year? Every Christmas, I make peanut butter balls. Peanut butter is healthy for you, so I don't feel that bad. Now, peanut butter mixed with two pounds of powdered sugar, rice Krispies and dipped in chocolate do not a health food make...but...the base is all protein. and fat. and sugar. Isn't that really covering all the food groups? I feel my arteries clogging.

I want to make something else this year so I went through the recipes. Lisa wants church windows. These are basically multi-colored marshmallows mixed with nuts and chocolate, rolled into a log with coconut and cut into medallions. Again...not really a health food but definitely delicious.

I also opt for fudge usually. Years ago, I lovingly took out my grandmothers fudge recipe every year. It was hand written on rose colored paper. A part of her to hang onto. Then one year, I noticed a strange resemblance to the recipe on the Marshmallow cream jar. Hey! They stole my grandmothers recipe!...The one using....hmmm.... their product.....What the heck is going on here? Ok - I admit it....I was dropped on my head as a child. But only once, I'm told. I still hang on to the recipe; it's still in her handwriting!

My mother was an amazing cook. She made chocolate covered cherries when we were kids that actually were liquid when you bit into them. She made "mile high strawberry pie" and chocolate pudding cake. I was raised with fried chicken, beans and potatoes and tacos that were deep fried with the meat inside (something like Jack in the Box). I don't think she knew how to cook anything that wasn't fried in a pan of fat. For breakfast, she would fry the bacon and then fry the eggs in the bacon grease. It was like a game. You would have to chase them around the plate as they slid from side to side. We would have fried corn meal and then put....what else...butter on top. Does my current weight problem make any sense now? God love her - she was an incredible woman. Kentucky cooking at it's best. She left behind a legacy of music, baking and very large breeders hips. As I've stated before, if we have a famine, I'm good.

It's 7:30pm. Eric and I are thinking of walking into Santee. I need to do something to get my blood going or I'm going to be wearing sweats to work on Monday. Most likely in purple velour, just to make a statement. Try not to get a visual...it won't be pretty. Up I go. Hope you all have a good night. I am hoping to have an empty stomach by tomorrow. It's another day and the peanut butter balls are calling. Love to you all....

Nylons are nauseating

Friday and has come and gone. I lived through it....I wore a dress. For several hours, even. I have learned several lessons for my next outing...

Lesson 1: Nylons were obviously invented by a man....who hated women....and needed to find some legal form of torture.

Lesson 2: Nylons create a loud swishing sound when placed on larger thighs.

Lesson 3: There is no product that you can put on nylons to take away the swishing sound.

Lesson 4: Football games, thankfully, are loud and drown out swishing nylon thighs.

I have several choices to help prepare for the next time I wear a dress.

Choice 1: Go to a tanning salon and get color on my sheet white legs.

Choice 2: Search for nylons that don't make swishing noises.

Choice 3: Wear dresses only to football games.

Another opportunity will arise to wear a dress. I must start getting prepared. I must say, I felt absolutely feminine and actually....shall I say....somewhat pretty. Not a typical feeling for me. I am usually much more interested in going for a laugh than paying attention to my appearance. It was fun. I felt good. I must add, I also had a long muted purple and silver jacket. I love it. It was not only attractive but....it was warm! I will have to find several occasions to wear it.

The night was wonderful. My son and I rode on a golf cart to the center of the football field. He and four other young men and five other young women stood behind individual large boxes to be torn into on cue. Matt was looking at everyone else while he reached into his box. He pulled out a large purple Mad Hatter hat - a very appropriate hat for him as King. He got to enjoy the rest of the night with his best friend, Jesse, and the other members of the court. I think he was pleasantly surprised that he won and I could see that he was actually fine either way. He just enjoyed the whole act of running.

I slipped out in the third quarter with my husband. We had committed to taking our friends daughters home and even though it was not audible, I could still feel my swishing thighs. From the half time on, I was fantasizing about taking off the nylons... counting down the minutes. I didn't have young girls in the car with us, they most likely wouldn't have even made the ride home. Good for us as that would have taken much more flexibility than I have at 45. I'm sure some type of inappropriate behavior would have resulted...and potentially a ticket for indecent exposure. I'm sure our visitors in the car was some type of protection from God.

It's been a good weekend. Lessons learned and hope for future outings. I hope your week goes well. Life is good!

Dressing with dresses

I'm about to venture into a new age. An age in which I wear (shudder).....dresses. Eeeek. If you have read my earlier posts, you know my striking resemblance to a Hobbit. Picture Frodo in a dress....stop laughing....feel my pain. My friend Loree assured me that my legs do not resemble the tree trunks that I see but then again, she is my friend. How do you tactfully say that to someone? As I get older, it does seem that at some point dresses will no longer be an option. As my knees loose any semblance of shape, at some point they will need to tucked into my shoes. Boots may be a good choice then. This may be my last chance.

Dresses allow for an air of femininity. Those that know me are again....laughing. Femininity and I are not close companions. Although not incredibly athletic, I do tend to feel more comfortable with masculine tasks. When friends were moving, I would be hefting furniture as opposed to cleaning the bathroom. When my children were young, we bonded by wresting in the living room...or in the bedroom...or on the roof. Even with my male staff, I have to watch my boundaries. At a holiday party last year, one instructor made a smart aleck comment and as I was two lemon drops in, I smacked him in the head. Hard. Eeek. Thankfully, he forwent suing me for some additional job security. Several years ago, my house was constantly filled with males of all ages - college guys from our church, high school friends of my boys, or just neighborhood kids hanging out. Mostly males - I have borrowed girls on occasion from my friends. While delighted to go shopping or spend time talking with them, I always returned to my boys satisfied with what God had given me.

My poor husband - you can imagine his plight. He thought he was marrying a woman! Someone frilly, sweet and.....well, lets just say it....feminine. He stood in shock and amazement the first time he saw me pounce on top of a neighborhood kid and knock him to the ground. We then had a full on Wrestlemania session with him sitting and rethinking his life choices. Poor man.

Wrestling when your nearing 46 is no longer fun. My son and I went into a punching war recently. I limped away to lick my bruises and find my inhaler. I then slept for six hours. I am truly old. Since my tomboyness is no longer working for me, I may just try out this feminine thing. Maybe its time. Everyone has to grow up sometime, right? When better than when you're nearing 50. So....I have two new dresses hanging in my closet. This will be the first year in about five that I will wear a dress to my husbands Christmas party. I have always found a delightful pants suit. Hey...before you get the mental image...they were dressy pant suits, not a three piece suit off of the men's rack.

Now this all started because my son made Homecoming Court. This is my second son to make court; social skills are not lacking in my offspring. Must come from their Dad's side! Two years ago, I wore a pair of Plazo pants and sequined top to proudly walk my son out to the football field during the Homecoming game. Now...this was a very positive choice for me as I had to climb out of the back seat of a Convertible. I have not figured out why they make back seats in Convertibles as they only fit a three year old comfortably. When getting back in, I believe I mooned the entire audience. The pants, as I said before, were a good choice. This year I will be coming in a golf cart. No doors. No climbing...and hopefully.....no mooning. So.......a dress it is. I going to try it. I may end of scarred for life and return to the comfort of my pants. As I am making out my "bucket list" however, and wrote down sky diving and doing the zip line at the Wild Animal Park, I've decided that I can do this. I will confess, the sky diving is less frightening to me. Someone be on the sidelines with an inhaler and some Valium. I may need it.

Hope all is well with everyone - have a great weekend.