Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Flying in the Fat Suit...again

I am back in San Diego after an incredible three days attending the Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop.  Amazing time.  Amazing people.  Amazing acceptance of wherever you are as a writer.

If you know me, you know how I am about airplane seating.  If you know anything about the current airline industry, you know my anxiety can only be growing.  Planes are PACKED....each of my four flights this week had a body in each seat.  Ahhhh...this is the actual issue.  It's the bodies...not the seats.  Mine in particular.  I am currently feeling like the Mamma bear body in the baby bear seat.  This chair is toooooooooooo small.  I'm still looking for the airline seat that is jussssst right!  I've never been offered an extender (thankfully) and I still do have some slack on the belt but when I end up in a row with other bodies my size, we get much more up close and personal than any of us are prepared for.

This week consisted of four flights.  San Diego to Chicago, Chicago to Dayton, Dayton to Fort Worth, Fort Worth to San Diego.

San Diego to Dayton
First let me say that flying economy can make you feel like nothing less than cattle.  When they began calling boarding groups...I was number 8.  Seven groups were deemed worthy of boarding the plane prior to me.  I'm assuming that must be some kind of  Price Line punishment.  Most of us in group 8 looked at each other like "You're not independently wealthy either, huh?"  If nothing else, it did bond us as the lower class.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

There's a Whole Bunch of Awkward Coming

Today I had a moment of painful reality was not pretty. This morning I received a lovely package of clothes that I ordered online.  I excitedly opened the package and began pulling out tops of various colors and sizes only to think....Oh my Lord....these look huge!   What size did I order...double wide?  They will never fit! Oh well...I bought them on clearance (which would be my secret indulgence during very bad bouts of insomnia!) and Coldwater Creek is actually very good about returns.  Ahhhh.....may as well try them on.   This is where my nightmare began.

They fit.

Like a glove.

I have officially left the land of the chubby to being able to wear a small tent....albeit a very fashionable one.  I must say, also, that turquoise and purple are still my favorite colors in spite of the fact that an entire Indian tribe should be able to share these shirts with me.  Maybe if I loose weight, I could double my wardrobe with the services of a good tailor.

This reality also reminded me of an additional horror...I am about to embark on a plane ride in 9 days to Dayton, Ohio for the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop.  I have been looking forward to this for two years now - the last workshop was amazing.  A trip to Dayton requires me to board a plane....with my over sized body and sit with two strangers for four hours.  My last flight included me sitting between a large woman and average sized man....who could not figure out why his arm rest would not go down.  I was unfortunately spilling over onto his seat....just as my neighbor was spilling into mine.