Weight loss is a sloooow journey. I have currently lost about 25 pounds. That may seem like a big deal but when you have 75 to loose, you can only see the 50 ahead rather than the 25 behind. A few people had made positive comments but I was actually feeling a bit depressed about how far I had to go....until....something amazing happened. I had to buy a new pair of pants for work. I was down to two actual pairs of pants that somewhat fit. Now, shopping for me is something akin to...hmmm... I don't know....maybe a colonoscopy. A necessary and painful evil. I once entered a sports store with my kids and had a literal panic attack because they had so many mirrors. If you are a size ten or below, don't even try to understand. You won't.
So, off I go to Lane Bryant. I love Lane Bryant, I must admit. I wear a size 2 or 3 there instead of an eighteen. I'm on the smaller side of their clientele. There are not mirrors everywhere except for in the dressing room. Life is good. Ahhh, but on this particular day, guess what? I was no longer a two or three, I was a ONE! And a happy One at that! I happily bought my pants and a few shirts and ventured home. The next day, I pulled on my Lafeyette Dark Heather Gray pants and a sweater and headed to work. Several people commented..."Have you lost weight?" and "You look great!". Oh my gosh...how exciting. How addicting...and possibly...how expensive! Apparently, you can take a size 14 body and put it in a size 18 pants and it will come out looking like an 18. Wearing things close to my body was a bit uncomfortable for me, but the compliments made it worth it.
The next day was Friday. Jeans day. I had recently bought a new pair of Jean Trousers but they had shrunk in the length. I am 5'4" - high waters make me look like a Hobbit. Especially with my size 10 feet and red hair. I look like Samwise Gamgee, sidekick to Frodo. I was also wearing a rather loose but embellished T-shirt. All was well until I stopped for coffee and caught myself in the mirror. Eeek. No compliments will be in my future today, I thought. I thought back to the day before. People will think that I had ordered one of those power girdles off the Internet! Oh, the rumours will fly! She didn't really loose weight...she just had spandex help! I couldn't take it. I had to do something. I did....a bought a new outfit on the way to work. A new pair of jeans and a new T-shirt. All on sale, I assure you but new all the same. I went to work feeling confident...and unHobbit like. Life again was good. Obviously, however, this would not work on a daily basis. Most stores are not open at 7am when I usually leave for work.
So now here I am. Going through my closet. Dumping my old clothes and doing some shopping with coupons, clearance racks and whatever else I can find. I truly don't want to stay this size. I want to get that other 50 pounds off. I also don't want to spend a fortune on "Transitional Clothes" - Just like "Transitional Relationships", they are not meant to stay around for long. I don't think I can put those old, too big, pants back on though. I've crossed over the chasm....there is no going back. And guess what....I've accepted myself just a little bit more now. I am much more accepting of my personality type attributes than my external ones. My body just made a little head way in gaining my acceptance. With some more work, I think we may just find some common ground at some point.