Sunday, November 15, 2009

Nylons are nauseating

Friday and has come and gone. I lived through it....I wore a dress. For several hours, even. I have learned several lessons for my next outing...

Lesson 1: Nylons were obviously invented by a man....who hated women....and needed to find some legal form of torture.
Lesson 2: Nylons create a loud swishing sound when placed on larger thighs.
Lesson 3: There is no product that you can put on nylons to take away the swishing sound.
Lesson 4: Football games, thankfully, are loud and drown out swishing nylon thighs.

I have several choices to help prepare for the next time I wear a dress.
Choice 1: Go to a tanning salon and get color on my sheet white legs.
Choice 2: Search for nylons that don't make swishing noises.
Choice 3: Wear dresses only to football games.

Another opportunity will arise to wear a dress. I must start getting prepared. I must say, I felt absolutely feminine and actually....shall I say....somewhat pretty. Not a typical feeling for me. I am usually much more interested in going for a laugh than paying attention to my appearance. It was fun. I felt good. I must add, I also had a long muted purple and silver jacket. I love it. It was not only attractive was warm! I will have to find several occasions to wear it.

The night was wonderful. My son and I rode on a golf cart to the center of the football field. He and four other young men and five other young women stood behind individual large boxes to be torn into on cue. Matt was looking at everyone else while he reached into his box. He pulled out a large purple Mad Hatter hat - a very appropriate hat for him as King. He got to enjoy the rest of the night with his best friend, Jesse, and the other members of the court. I think he was pleasantly surprised that he won and I could see that he was actually fine either way. He just enjoyed the whole act of running.

I slipped out in the third quarter with my husband. We had committed to taking our friends daughters home and even though it was not audible, I could still feel my swishing thighs. From the half time on, I was fantasizing about taking off the nylons... counting down the minutes. I didn't have young girls in the car with us, they most likely wouldn't have even made the ride home. Good for us as that would have taken much more flexibility than I have at 45. I'm sure some type of inappropriate behavior would have resulted...and potentially a ticket for indecent exposure. I'm sure our visitors in the car was some type of protection from God.

It's been a good weekend. Lessons learned and hope for future outings. I hope your week goes well. Life is good!

1 comment:

  1. Man invented nylons because they are sexy.I bet you look fantastic in them. If I was your Husband I would have rubbed your legs and feet all the way home.