Sunday, July 25, 2010

Breaking the Big Girl Bonds

Eric and I took a hike today at Seltzer park.  He made a comment that I have heard several times before...."boy, you walk fast".  The last time that I heard this was on a 6 1/2 mile walk around Mission Hills.  Now, that time, my friend phrased it as "For someone who says that she doesn't walk alot, you sure do walk fast".  I think she was actually thinking something else....something akin to "for a big girl, you sure do move quicker than I would think you could!".  She's a good friend though, so I appreciate her choice of wording!  I DO walk fast.   I explained to her that whenever we get started on a walk, I am only thinking of one thing....when will we be done?  I am like a horse charging towards the stables....although I begin my charge from the moment that we start.  I decided not to even try changing it.  It seems to be working for me.

I break one other big girl fallacy....I actually do have some rhythm.  I know I have said that I am true to my Kentucky roots but I actually can find the beat in a song.  I've had people gasp in amazement that I can stay in time to music....I can only think that people think when you gain weight, you loose all sense of balance.  I won't argue that fact since we all know that I fell in the hallway a few weeks ago.  I think, overall, however, that my size 10 feet help the balance thing alot.  Either way, I can actually keep time and it's kind of enjoyable to see everyones surprise when the music is playing.  Now, I won't say that it's pretty...just in time with the music. 

This was my revelation during my hike - that we all have preconceived notions of how people should act.  Fat people should be slow and have no rhythm.  Thin people should be fast and be able to dance up a storm.  In then end, we are all still who we are, regardless of what our outside looks like.  I think that brings me comfort.  I think many times I am trying to fit into a mold of what I think others are expecting....and in the end, I don't think anyone else actually even cares! 

There are so many things that I am holding off of in life because of my weight.  I want to go skydiving and go on the Zip line at the Wild Animal Park.  I am thinking that dropping a few pounds may make both of these activities safer and more enjoyable.  Since skydiving for beginners is only done in tandem, I am not relishing the idea of being strapped to some 150 pound guy that is crossing himself and wondering  "Why me?"  I'm sure also, that we would fall like a rock and the trip may be a bit slower if I was a bit smaller. long do I wait?  How much more do I miss?  I don't even go swimming anymore because I hate getting into a swimsuit.  Several summers have come and gone and I haven't been to a beach or anywhere where I would be expected to be in swimwear.  Maybe it's time to let go, still work on my weight, but not let it consume my life so much. 

Let me know your thoughts.  Loree and I are planning on doing the Zip line in August.  I am hoping that they don't weigh you first....but I also know that I don't want to "weight" anymore.  Life is short.  I had a friend pass away a few weeks ago and I learned several things from his passing.  The most important one was...Don't waste time...He never seemed to waste any time on anger, regret or feeling sorry for himself.  He died of very painful pancreatic cancer and was making jokes up until the last days of his life.  How cool is that?

I leave you with a quote from Erma Bombeck.  "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming—Wow!—What a ride!" line, here I come!

Love to you all!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Blame it on the Students

It is 12:45am and I am still up.  Why....why....why?  I just finished this weeks paper that is due tomorrow - 21 hours early....I seem to be making strides.  This class has been a great learning experience although it is requiring much more time than I've become accustomed to.  The instructor is wonderful and provides great examples of each project.  This, of course, does increase her expectations, I'm sure.  I can't even feign ignorance...

I have decided to blame part of my weight problem....on my students.  My students and the fact that we have a new term every four weeks.  Final exam days have become classroom pot luck days....every four weeks....and I oversee 473 students in 13 on campus classes and 4-6 clinical classes.   I would be fine if I just locked myself in my office every four weeks....but the staff typically bring all the left overs back into our shared work space.  I'm not talking, either, about food that is easy to resist.   We have what rivals a UN meeting in each classroom.  Foods from the Philippines, Mexico, Italy, and the good old US are laid out in metal trays, most of it home cooked.  What is not home cooked is the ever present tin of hot wings, pizza or from today, Brownie bites.  I have been assaulted with smells of lumpia, tamales, ceviche and home made lasagna.  Today I even tried bringing my lunch to decrease my appetite.  I ate it....along with everything else. 
This was not a great plan.

Whats even worse is if I visit the classroom.  In that case, how can you resist a student saying..."You need to try this...I made it..." or even worse, "my mom made it....".  How can I insult someones mother?  It's a sacrifice but if me eating my weight in various foods will make someones mama feel better, I don't see any way out.  I think I'm going to start taking my vacation days on Finals day each month.  Life without lumpia is a bit depressing, I must say, but I know is the better choice for me overall.

So....I think I'll try getting some sleep.  We have lab demo day tomorrow and a three hour course in reading ICD-10 codes.  I guess I could catch up on my sleep there but I'm not thinking that is setting the best example for the staff.  I hope you all have a great day....I will be the one with my eyes propped open, gnawing on a leftover hot wing.  Have a great day!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Is there a trash can nearby?

OK...I did it....I went to the kick boxing kicked my butt.  I should have known that I was in trouble when she said, "we're going to kick it up a notch today and use the Step...." Kick it up a notch? Are you kidding?   It was an hour long class....I made it 30 minutes.

At the half-way mark, I had three choices.
1.  Throw up on the floor (and mind you, I was in the front row)
2.  Pass out
3.  Casually excuse myself to go find a cylinder of oxygen.

I decided to go with number seemed the least disruptive to the class.  Joy stayed and made it the full 60 minutes...and I mean, 60 minutes.  I think she actually went 63 minutes. I did 30 minutes of the elliptical for penance. 

 If you read my party analogy in the last post, now I feel like the unpopular kid that tripped and fell in the middle of the party that my mother got me an invitation to.  But truly, the only thing that is wounded dignity...and believe it or not, even in the 30 arms, shoulders and thighs.  This teacher is an animal...One in really good shape that can move like a machine for 60 minutes and not even breathe hard.

So...I'm whipped...I'm embarrassed....I'm slightly sick to my stomach....and unfortunately, I ran out of BP meds about three days ago so my blood pressure is elevated.  So...tomorrow, I will be hitting up the pharmacy.  I know...I know...I give lectures on this stuff.  Stupid for me to let it run out.  Feel free to yell at me...I would be yelling at you if you did it.   I am attributing my Kick Boxing experience to my elevated blood pressure...sounds good, doesn't it?  I'll be testing my theory, however.  I'm taking that stinking class again on Tuesday...and Thursday...and Tuesday again.  I am going to make it through the whole class if it kills me (which it might!).  I have something to prove to myself.  I AM NOT THE UNPOPULAR KID AT THE CHEERLEADERS PARTY!!!!  I am a successful, intelligent woman that happens to have a weight problem and almost throws up in kickboxing class.....hmmmm....not sounding much better!

So...again....if you have ever been the one who tripped...or fell...or had to leave an exercise class half way through, please share.   I would love to have someone to commiserate with! 

Love to you all!