Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Curse of the Crumbly Cupcakes

If you read my last post, you understand that I have several reasons to loose weight. Bad genetics and high blood pressure top the list. After yesterday, I have another. I battled with myself on whether I should write about this or not. It's a bit...embarrassing. Then I read my earlier posts and decided that if you had hit the TMI point, it would have been much earlier.

Yesterday was a weird day for me. I woke up stuffy and a bit unfocused. Ok, I realize "unfocused" is normal but the "stuffy" was making it worse. I went through the day cleaning and doing homework as usual. We also had our 15 year old doggie put to sleep. Very sad but he was unable to get up and down anymore. Tommy looked at me afterward with a look that said that I better never get arthritis.

Then came the family day at my sons' high school. The game was wonderful. We were playing a team ranked number 6 in the city and lost by one point. And, I might add, almost made that last shot. Afterward, we were putting food away and were helping ourselves to homemade cupcakes. Now, I know what your thinking. Why, after stating that I was serious about loosing weight, was I eating a cupcake? It's because you weren't there to tackle me to the ground. Take some responsibility here! Well.....You weren't there but God was! He saw. What happened next can only be described as his way of making himself known.

The cupcake was wonderful...light and airy...and crummy. I mean....with a lot of crumbs. A lot of crumbs that apparently got stuck in my trachea. I coughed and took a very slow breath in. It didn't clear. I coughed harder and realized that there was a very little space that air was actually moving. I handed the cupcake to Eric and moved outside....coughing and wheezing. Now, as a nurse, I will comment that the number one thing to not do if you are having problems breathing? Be polite and go outside! If you are going to pass out, inconvenience everyone and do it in front of them! They may step over you and continue to do their tasks but at least one person will think to call 911.

Now, I was able to clear a larger airway but the crumbs were still in there. They were very tenacious. Somehow, they all joined their little crumb hands and made a big crumb ball. I continued to cough for about five minutes (no exaggeration here!) harder and harder. Ok, women.....what happens when you cough? ....or laugh?....or do anything requiring your diaphragm to contract? happened. I started to pee. It was a vicious cycle. Cough....feel my bladder contract....stop coughing...stop breathing....cough.....feel my bladder contract....

As I was coughing, I removed my jacket to tie it around my waist. Now this was already uncomfortable since my jacket is on to cover my stomach. At that point, I decided that confirming to everyone that I was fat was better than giving them confirmation that I was incontinent.

Now my poor husband is watching this whole display and asking if he should step in. He is well aware that when I am sick or in pain, leave me alone. I'm not nice. He looked perplexed when I took off my jacket. What does that mean? The universal sign for choking is grabbing your throat with your hands. Did they change the sign? Is it now taking off your jacket? What is she doing?

I did explain when we were driving home. I also did notice him look over and most likely think...why are we in MY car? I did eventually clear my throat. Now this is the second time that I have choked in the past week. The first time was on a piece of carne asada. Too big a piece and not chewed well, I suppose. I realized that time that I couldn't get any air in. I tried clearing with the cough but then had to pull the meat out of my throat. How do I know that I have a eating disorder? I was really bummed, once I could breathe, that the last piece of meat was now in the trash. It's a sickness, I tell you! Now, that time I was at home. I could have peed my pants and no one would have known. Life is cruel. new reason for loosing weight? If I'm going to choke again, I definitely do not want to repeat this outcome. Loosing weight helps with joint problems, cardiovascular issues and overall self esteem problems. It's time. No more cupcakes. God is watching. And his wrath is one I would like to avoid in the future. Especially at my sons basketball games. Being a teenager is hard enough - add the fact that your mother peed her pants and it could just make it unbearable.

Love to you all!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Comfortable with Corpse pose

So....I started my exercise regimen. I began with yoga on Saturday. Mind you, this was a one and one-half hour class. With a woman that looks like mother earth in spandex. I twisted my body into many different positions that I didn't think I could achieve. One position was on hands and knees with my left foot and right hand meeting over my back. Please, try to picture that on a normal person, rather than on me. Another position is where you spread your legs and try to put your head on the floor. My least favorite is the crazy number of leg lifts that this instructor favors. I feel my abdomen. It is underneath about twenty pounds of fat but I feel it stirring....and in pain. Now, let me tell you that i have been unnaturally tired lately. This is not a good combination with yoga. Especially when they turn off the lights for Shavasana or corpse pose. I fell asleep....and not quietly, from what Loree told me. In a room of very quiet corpses, I was the only one snoring. I will need to find another yoga class.

About a month ago, I bought the Sketcher Shape Up shoes. Loree now says that I should be their spokesperson. I have fallen in love with this incredibly odd looking footwear. My son says that look like Buzz Lightyear shoes. I don't care. I love them. More than I love him. (just kidding, Tommy. I love you both equally). I found a new use for them today.

I go to a very racially diverse church. We no longer look at each other as culturally different. Today a line was drawn that segregated us, no matter how hard we have tried to fight it. We have been separated into....those that can dance and those that can't. During one upbeat song, we were challenged to sway with the music. Guess what happens when you put on shoes with a rounded bottom. You can sway. You can sway in time to the music. Yes its my new tennis shoes, I can forgo my Kentucky heritage. I can...using the term Again...I will ask that you get the visual without me in mind. I don't' even want to see myself dancing. Thankfully, there were no mirrors. Especially since we were swaying, singing, clapping and even stomping at one point in the song. I stopped at the swaying, singing and clapping. I didn't want to push my luck and end up on my butt. God is good. He give us wisdom to know our limitations.

A new week is starting. Have you noticed that diets always start on Mondays. Tomorrow, I will jump in head first to getting back on track. Say a prayer for me. I love food. I don't enjoy exercise. Pray for my mind to get those sentiments swapped. I'd like to see my grandchildren when they are born. I'd like to take them to Yoga with me so we can nap together.

Have a good night everyone - Monday is coming!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

If you see me coughing....

It's happened. I am officially in the "if you don't loose weight, bad things Will happen" category. I started feeling light headed this week and went to the MD. My assistant walked me the rain...and refused to let me back in until I went to the MD. That girl has much to much power. I'll have to think on that when this lightheadedness goes away.

I have, unfortunately, a horrible family history. My father has had a triple bypass and my mother passed away from stroke related issues. Genetically, I hit the cardiovascular lottery. Not the good one...The MD that I saw this week was a true delight, however. He has been my GP for two years now. We had never met, which may tell you how often I go to the doctor. He was a young Asian man that does card tricks. And will explain to you about the most common side effects to your medication options. I had a choice of low heart rate, frequent urination (which I must say I already have!), sexual dysfunction or cough. I chose cough. If we are having a conversation and I seem to be coughing frequently, it is because I still wanted my heart beating, didn't want to have to interrupt to pee and know. Nuff said. I had to laugh when he explained about the low heart rate making it difficult to exercise. I responded that I truly didn't need anything to help me "not" exercise. I had that down pretty well.

When I first came in, the nurse asked me to step on the scale. I assured her that this would not bring my blood pressure down. She insisted. It was ugly. I have gained 10 pounds. Then she took my blood pressure. Amazingly it was still high. I think it may be the scale. They scare me.

So....what is the point of this? I am enlisting my friends. If you see me with an ice cream, chocolate or hmmmm... a peanut butter ball, you have every right to tackle me to the ground and call me an idiot. I will then cough in your face but will appreciate your love and affection for me. Time to get serious. Loree is picking me up for Yoga. I once again will begin forcing my apple shape to become a tree...or a crane...or a downward dog. It's not pretty but it's time.

Love to you all!