Friday, November 27, 2009

Breaking out the Velour

The Holiday season is upon us. Food is everywhere...and I mean...everywhere. Thanksgiving was yesterday and I believe I am still digesting the meal...and possibly some of the alcohol. Please remember, I am a total lightweight. I was in bed by 8:30 after drinking a few Mango Smirnoff's. Our plan was to drive to Yuma to see my brothers family and return at nightfall. After a day of food coma and a few drinks, we were in the camper spending the night.

We had a great trip. Our original plan was to have the whole family (+girlfriends) with us. We opted to rent an ark (otherwise known as an Expedition) for the drive as we were also taking my sister and her kids. After basketball practice, flu symptoms and scheduling issues, it was me, Eric, my sister (Lisa) and her two a really, really big SUV. Eric is secretly looking on line for a good price, I know it. He was in love. It was had GPS and satellite radio....and it drove very smooth for such a large vehicle. I keep looking outside.... I know one is going to turn up in my driveway at some point.

Back home today, I pulled out the cookbooks. Hmmmm....what to bake this year? Every Christmas, I make peanut butter balls. Peanut butter is healthy for you, so I don't feel that bad. Now, peanut butter mixed with two pounds of powdered sugar, rice Krispies and dipped in chocolate do not a health food make...but...the base is all protein. and fat. and sugar. Isn't that really covering all the food groups? I feel my arteries clogging.

I want to make something else this year so I went through the recipes. Lisa wants church windows. These are basically multi-colored marshmallows mixed with nuts and chocolate, rolled into a log with coconut and cut into medallions. Again...not really a health food but definitely delicious.

I also opt for fudge usually. Years ago, I lovingly took out my grandmothers fudge recipe every year. It was hand written on rose colored paper. A part of her to hang onto. Then one year, I noticed a strange resemblance to the recipe on the Marshmallow cream jar. Hey! They stole my grandmothers recipe!...The one using....hmmm.... their product.....What the heck is going on here? Ok - I admit it....I was dropped on my head as a child. But only once, I'm told. I still hang on to the recipe; it's still in her handwriting!

My mother was an amazing cook. She made chocolate covered cherries when we were kids that actually were liquid when you bit into them. She made "mile high strawberry pie" and chocolate pudding cake. I was raised with fried chicken, beans and potatoes and tacos that were deep fried with the meat inside (something like Jack in the Box). I don't think she knew how to cook anything that wasn't fried in a pan of fat. For breakfast, she would fry the bacon and then fry the eggs in the bacon grease. It was like a game. You would have to chase them around the plate as they slid from side to side. We would have fried corn meal and then put....what else...butter on top. Does my current weight problem make any sense now? God love her - she was an incredible woman. Kentucky cooking at it's best. She left behind a legacy of music, baking and very large breeders hips. As I've stated before, if we have a famine, I'm good.

It's 7:30pm. Eric and I are thinking of walking into Santee. I need to do something to get my blood going or I'm going to be wearing sweats to work on Monday. Most likely in purple velour, just to make a statement. Try not to get a won't be pretty. Up I go. Hope you all have a good night. I am hoping to have an empty stomach by tomorrow. It's another day and the peanut butter balls are calling. Love to you all....

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Nylons are nauseating

Friday and has come and gone. I lived through it....I wore a dress. For several hours, even. I have learned several lessons for my next outing...

Lesson 1: Nylons were obviously invented by a man....who hated women....and needed to find some legal form of torture.
Lesson 2: Nylons create a loud swishing sound when placed on larger thighs.
Lesson 3: There is no product that you can put on nylons to take away the swishing sound.
Lesson 4: Football games, thankfully, are loud and drown out swishing nylon thighs.

I have several choices to help prepare for the next time I wear a dress.
Choice 1: Go to a tanning salon and get color on my sheet white legs.
Choice 2: Search for nylons that don't make swishing noises.
Choice 3: Wear dresses only to football games.

Another opportunity will arise to wear a dress. I must start getting prepared. I must say, I felt absolutely feminine and actually....shall I say....somewhat pretty. Not a typical feeling for me. I am usually much more interested in going for a laugh than paying attention to my appearance. It was fun. I felt good. I must add, I also had a long muted purple and silver jacket. I love it. It was not only attractive was warm! I will have to find several occasions to wear it.

The night was wonderful. My son and I rode on a golf cart to the center of the football field. He and four other young men and five other young women stood behind individual large boxes to be torn into on cue. Matt was looking at everyone else while he reached into his box. He pulled out a large purple Mad Hatter hat - a very appropriate hat for him as King. He got to enjoy the rest of the night with his best friend, Jesse, and the other members of the court. I think he was pleasantly surprised that he won and I could see that he was actually fine either way. He just enjoyed the whole act of running.

I slipped out in the third quarter with my husband. We had committed to taking our friends daughters home and even though it was not audible, I could still feel my swishing thighs. From the half time on, I was fantasizing about taking off the nylons... counting down the minutes. I didn't have young girls in the car with us, they most likely wouldn't have even made the ride home. Good for us as that would have taken much more flexibility than I have at 45. I'm sure some type of inappropriate behavior would have resulted...and potentially a ticket for indecent exposure. I'm sure our visitors in the car was some type of protection from God.

It's been a good weekend. Lessons learned and hope for future outings. I hope your week goes well. Life is good!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Dressing with dresses

I'm about to venture into a new age. An age in which I wear (shudder).....dresses. Eeeek. If you have read my earlier posts, you know my striking resemblance to a Hobbit. Picture Frodo in a dress....stop laughing....feel my pain. My friend Loree assured me that my legs do not resemble the tree trunks that I see but then again, she is my friend. How do you tactfully say that to someone? As I get older, it does seem that at some point dresses will no longer be an option. As my knees loose any semblance of shape, at some point they will need to tucked into my shoes. Boots may be a good choice then. This may be my last chance.

Dresses allow for an air of femininity. Those that know me are again....laughing. Femininity and I are not close companions. Although not incredibly athletic, I do tend to feel more comfortable with masculine tasks. When friends were moving, I would be hefting furniture as opposed to cleaning the bathroom. When my children were young, we bonded by wresting in the living room...or in the bedroom...or on the roof. Even with my male staff, I have to watch my boundaries. At a holiday party last year, one instructor made a smart aleck comment and as I was two lemon drops in, I smacked him in the head. Hard. Eeek. Thankfully, he forwent suing me for some additional job security. Several years ago, my house was constantly filled with males of all ages - college guys from our church, high school friends of my boys, or just neighborhood kids hanging out. Mostly males - I have borrowed girls on occasion from my friends. While delighted to go shopping or spend time talking with them, I always returned to my boys satisfied with what God had given me.

My poor husband - you can imagine his plight. He thought he was marrying a woman! Someone frilly, sweet and.....well, lets just say it....feminine. He stood in shock and amazement the first time he saw me pounce on top of a neighborhood kid and knock him to the ground. We then had a full on Wrestlemania session with him sitting and rethinking his life choices. Poor man.

Wrestling when your nearing 46 is no longer fun. My son and I went into a punching war recently. I limped away to lick my bruises and find my inhaler. I then slept for six hours. I am truly old. Since my tomboyness is no longer working for me, I may just try out this feminine thing. Maybe its time. Everyone has to grow up sometime, right? When better than when you're nearing 50. So....I have two new dresses hanging in my closet. This will be the first year in about five that I will wear a dress to my husbands Christmas party. I have always found a delightful pants suit. Hey...before you get the mental image...they were dressy pant suits, not a three piece suit off of the men's rack.

Now this all started because my son made Homecoming Court. This is my second son to make court; social skills are not lacking in my offspring. Must come from their Dad's side! Two years ago, I wore a pair of Plazo pants and sequined top to proudly walk my son out to the football field during the Homecoming game. Now...this was a very positive choice for me as I had to climb out of the back seat of a Convertible. I have not figured out why they make back seats in Convertibles as they only fit a three year old comfortably. When getting back in, I believe I mooned the entire audience. The pants, as I said before, were a good choice. This year I will be coming in a golf cart. No doors. No climbing...and mooning. So.......a dress it is. I going to try it. I may end of scarred for life and return to the comfort of my pants. As I am making out my "bucket list" however, and wrote down sky diving and doing the zip line at the Wild Animal Park, I've decided that I can do this. I will confess, the sky diving is less frightening to me. Someone be on the sidelines with an inhaler and some Valium. I may need it.

Hope all is well with everyone - have a great weekend.