I am in my final week of my second to the last class of my MSN. In two weeks, I will be in my final class. I'm trying not to hit the celebratory wine early. I still have several projects due including one on Tuesday. Sigh....so close! I mention this only because if you have read my earlier posts, you know that I am clearly defined as a stress eater. I was hoping to outgrow this character flaw at some point, but just like my hobbit feet, it appears to be deeply ingrained in my being.
This is complicated by the fact that my son faulted me with the dog chewing up something in his room. I was personally thankful that he was gnawing on something other than a fifth pair of my shoes. I was, however, the one that left his bedroom door open. He has a full length mirror in his room. The one in my office must have come from a circus as it has a slight wave to the middle which makes my waist look anywhere from 5 inches to 45 feet. Not exactly the best thing to use before leaving the house. When I'm trying to avoid my homework, I sit in front of it and watch my face turn from conehead to microface. (You know you would do the same thing if you had one!) So....I borrowed Tommy's mirror and left the door open. I found the mirror in my bedroom the following morning with a note saying "Take it!" I'm sure he meant that in a much more giving manner than it came out!
I now have a full length non-circus mirror in my bedroom....where I get dressed....everyday...My stress levels have increased even more. I have heard that knowledge is power...NOT when it comes to your body size. Give me ignorance any day. I can't help catching a look now while I'm changing....I try not to but there it is...in full length and no wavy part to blame my waist on!
Now I think I could handle the mirror if I wasn't dealing with my schoolwork also. The mirror is the proverbial straw...but my back isn't broken...just lumpy. It's time to get back on the 17-day Diet. I bought the supplies today to get started again. No more bread products or processed food. I did it before...I can do it again. I also hit the treadmill again for the past two days. I waited for the endorphins to release...when they didn't, I grabbed an ice cream. Argh....now I have to get on again!
I'm thinking about putting the mirror back in Tommy's room. I promise to close the door! I only want to look in it fully dressed....and when I'm prepared to look. The stupid thing follows me around the room and catches my eye when I least expect it. I think it's possessed...
So one more week and then I'm one term away from finishing. I restart my diet tomorrow and get back on track. At some point, the mirror and I will find peace. I'm assuming that will come after some extensive surgery but I have hope. For now, I think I'll just turn it around. This may be the equivalent of putting a misbehaving child in the corner but I don't care. Until it wants to stop freaking me out in my underwear, I need to take some control.
I think I'll go check out my circus mirror. For some reason, I miss it...
Love to you all!