Saturday, June 26, 2010

How fat do I need to be?

I think I'm going to try something different.  I'm at the point where I need to either find $5000.00 for a lap-band, get my jaw re-wired or start drinking Epicac chasers.  I actually went to a informational meeting once about weight loss surgery.  First, I must say, if you ever want to feel thinner, attend one of these meetings.  I looked like a size 6!  That unfortunately, however, was a problem.  I was told afterwards..."you're just not fat enough or unhealthy enough for this surgery..."  Really?  Heck, give me a year and a goal and I bet I can reach it.  How fat and unhealthy do I need to be?

I know that Weight Watchers works but for some reason, I want to eat everything in sight lately.  I have been working out at least three days a week between walking and the gym but am seeing no results because of my ravenous appetite.  Please don't leave any small children around me...especially if they have have any candy drippings on them.  I did have some medication changes lately, so that could be part of the problem.  The changes have been positive for the most part, but I didn't expect a ten pound weight gain as a side effect.  Ahhhh....I'm on my way to "fat enough"!  I also know that kicking my coffee habit is making for some daily issues at around 2:30pm.  If I can't use caffeine...then I'll use sugar.  Something has got to keep me going in the afternoon.  I'm open to suggestions....!  It just has to be non-harmful and hopefully, legal. 

One of my students has been to a hypnotist for weight loss. She has lost 80 pounds.  I went in for a consultation.  It actually looked somewhat promising.  Holistic - no medications involved.  I do have a slight trust issue, here, however.  What if she puts in some weird code word that makes me strip down and prance like a pony in the hallway?  I guess if I loose weight it would be worth the risk but I like where I work and would hate to have to find employment elsewhere when the students starting screaming and running out the doors!  Maybe I'll find a good friend to do it with me.....Loree?  Not that you have weight to loose but at least one of us could keep an eye open during the process.

I had a patient once that tried Liposuction on herself....with a Kirby.  I'm not kidding.  Cut a hole in her abdomen and put the hose in.  In case your considering it, I will was pretty ugly.  I still can't figure our how she thought she would achieve overall weight loss with this method....What she did loose was some dignity.....!  People are desperate to loose weight.  Willing to do less.  We all know what to do...don't we?  It just never seems to be as easy as it sounds. 

So, as I consider my options, say a prayer for me.  I met a woman last night that did the Iron Man at age 53.  One of my best friends ran a marathon a few weeks ago...her 50th birthday party was last night.  I am looking at having one foot in the grave at 50 and the other foot in an Alzhimers unit.  I'm not sure which foot will win out!!  I'll let you know if the Hypnotist pans out.  If you discover my code word, be kind...!


  1. OH GOD!! I hear ya! Weight issues are the PITS! I've struggled for 30 years, up and down. Never tried hypnosis--let me know how it goes.

  2. Just noticed your status: "none". WRONG!! You are a fantastic friend, a talented writer, great mom and wife, and your status is AMAZING! I love your blog. Keep writing, and try to learn to love yourself as much as your friends and family do.

  3. Ok Sheri, Dawn & I almost peed our PJ's laughing so hard. You have a true gift!!
    I told you I would go to the hypnotist with you,
    and I will keep one eye open for you.
    Love you lots,