I'm Still Me!

I had the funniest interaction with a student recently.  One of my male students grabbed my arm recently and stated with concern, "Mrs. Saretsky....I'm soooo worried about you!  You need to eat!  You don't need to worry about those models out there.  You just need to be you!  Just be you!"  I smiled and let him know that I was not a) trying to compete with 18 year old models or b) on a hunger strike until people began telling me I looked like an eighteen year old model.  I was still me....inside and out!   To reiterate that, I reminded him that he was late for class....something the "old un-modelesk" self would have done also!   I had a good laugh and he has moved on to other battles...like graduating and becoming a nurse.

My sons have commented that they are proud of my weight loss but still haven't adjusted to seeing me as smaller.  I reminded Tommy that I was 15 pounds lighter than my current weight when Eric and I married eleven years ago.  He replied that he just doesn't remember me that way....I've been bigger in most of his memories.  It did remind me that we all make adjustments as we change or our loved ones change.  We did, however, both decide that I am still....me! 

What I have noticed about "me" recently is that I do feel more confident.  As an overweight woman, I spent useless time wondering what other people thought of me.  Do they notice my muffin top?  Especially since I added silver sequins to it?  (If you have to ask, refer to the 12/2010 post!)  Are they secretly horrified by my uni-leg?  Are they watching everything I put in my mouth?  And all this with my size 10 feet?  Arghhhhh.....I am the Ginormica from Monsters vs Aliens!  (Except that she actually had a waist and most likely a BMI that didn't put her in the obese category!)   It didn't matter how much education, career success or outside affirmation I received, my only thoughts when I met someone new was....what are they thinking about my fat?

The truth is that most people around me probably didn't really think about it at all.  They just saw "me"...as I was...and either liked me or disliked me for who I was.  That being said...am I happier with "me" now?  You bet.  But not for the reasons I thought I would be!  Clothes shopping is more fun.  I can walk up the stairs without getting winded.  I was able to drop my blood pressure medication - one more little gift to my liver!  I was able to put on shorts and go kayaking without feeling like everyone was waiting for the fat girl to tip over.  I don't perseverate (one of my favorite words BTW!) on what everyone is thinking.  In the end, however, I actually liked "me" before.  I just have more fun with "me" now!

So the point?  Is there one?  I believe so!  Love yourself regardless!  In that love, however....be good to yourself.  I've seen both sides.  The thin side is more fun and not just because random people are actually telling me to eat for the first time in my life!   If I can help in any way....let me know.  In the end, I want you to love "you" regardless of your size....but also get the benefits of being the best "you" that you can be!  Love to you all!