The Problem with Sweatpants

I got on the scale and wondered “how did I get here?”


Have you ever looked at those people on Oprah or other talk shows that weigh in at 500 pounds and aren't sure how they got there? And we look also and think, "did you not see a problem when you passed 300?" I've been enlightened. I suddenly realized last night that I know how the weight sneaks up on you. It is all in the fault of ...sweat pants. Hear me out.

One day you come home from work and change into your jeans. It's a great time, coming home from work. You can take all your professional attire off, remove any "help" that you are wearing under your professional attire and what a relief to just throw on your jeans. (Now, for those women that have a weight issue, you know what I mean by "help"!) Ahhh, but on this day, your jeans are not so welcoming. They fight going on, and since you refuse to actually lay down to get them zipped up, you leave some shallow scarring on your abdomen in the fight with the zipper. But, finally, after a bit, you get them on. They stretch out some and you go about your business. The next day, you tell yourself that you only wore them for a few hours so they are technically still clean. They fit fine. All is right with the world.

Then you wash them. All havoc breaks loose again. The next day when you come to the welcoming acceptance of your jeans, they once again rebel. Worse than the last time. This time you have no choice, you lay down to zip them up. You're depressed and to help yourself forget the battle, you eat chocolate. How this is supposed to help you get your jeans zipped up, I haven't figured out. I can tell you from experience. It doesn't.

So....the next day comes and you come home from work. You look warily at the jeans and you once again wear them slightly dirty but technically clean. They still feel a bit snug but overall bearable. You wash them again.

Now the next day, you have a horrible day at work. You yell at the boss "Fire Me!" He doesn't. He does however, avoid you for a week and hope that whatever hormonal thing you have going on will resolve itself before Corporate visits. You come home. You look at the jeans and know that you just can't take it one more day. You search and find.....your sweatpants. Ahhh- and I'm not talking about the sweatpants that come with matching jackets with satin trim. I'm talking Hanes! And how welcoming they are. How stretchable is the waistband and best of all....there is no zipper! Life is wonderful. You have pants that fit.

Suddenly a week has gone by and you notice that you no longer look for your jeans every evening but are now seeking the solace of your sweat pants on a daily basis. So - how do you get to be 500 pounds? You just stop wearing jeans and get bigger sweatpants!