Day One – Walk on!

After mooooving out of the bull pen, we headed out of Del Mar and walked through the neighborhood.  We became experts at scouting at bathrooms off the beaten path.  This became increasingly important when we realized that a wait at the Port-a-Potties could waste 30 minutes and potentially cause a very embarrassing accident!  We were soon on our way to Torrey Pines.  Torrey Pines could be considered my arch-nemesis. The Torrey Pines hill is well known for being steep…and long.  Have I mentioned that I have exercise-induced Asthma?  Actually, it should be correctly diagnoses as incline-induced asthma.  I only feel it on the way up a hill.  Flat ground is my friend.  Just as we all develop coping skills to deal with our “issues”, I have developed mine.  On a hill, I am very focused….I don’t talk….I only step and breath or maybe that is step and wheeze…and Lord help anyone that gets in my way.  I heard several times from my teammates…..”Do you want to stop?” Nope…..keep going…. “Did you bring an inhaler? “  Nope…what do I look like….a nurse?  Oh yeah……I am.  But we know from past experience that on the 13.5 mile train walk, I was also the one that forgot the sunscreen, a hat and to drink consistently.  This would be the embarrassing day that I almost passed out on the way to the car.  So is it any surprise that I forgot the inhaler?   Nope!   Did I make it up the hill?   Yep!   Every day…and in the same manner….walk and wheeze all the way, baby!

I could have done the over-40 white woman dance at the top but I was surrounded by 4000 of my best friends and my hips can become a lethal weapon when not controlled effectively.  I have to say that there is something powerful about seeing a solid line of people in front of you and behind you.  It was amazing.  Even more amazing were the people on the side lines….everywhere…and many of them for the full three days.  We picked up chocolate, Twizzlers, mints and other tasty treats from the ever present community members that cheered us on.  People of all ages and cultures were out in packs – we affectionately called them the Walker Stalkers.  God love them!  They yelled, whooped and overall kept the mood happy and light.

We were also surrounded by the San Jose Police and SD Police – all in bunny ears and pink tutu’s. They rode their bikes next to us, playing music and joking with everyone.  Some of them men had baskets full of feminine hygiene products…just in case.  One of my favorite moments was when one officer ran down the row of Port-a-Potties yelling “San Diego PD…Open up!”  We got to see them dance with the Cheering groups and give a struggling walker a hug at a tough moment.  The trip would not have been the same without them. 

We stopped for lunch at La Jolla Shores…11.5 miles in.  A quick sandwich and change of socks and we were back on the trail to see the Seals, the community of Bird Rock and eventually….the camp.  As we drew close, one of our 3Day crossing guards let us know that we were within 2 miles of being done.  I cheerfully stated…”Well, heck….let’s just run it!” Eight faces turned towards me in disbelief!  I wish I would have had a camera!

We returned to camp to pick up our luggage and our little pink tent.  Two boy scouts wandering past offered to help – we kept them within close reach lest they be hijacked by another walker!  Since only one of us was a camper, tent construction promised to be very challenging without some outside help.  We ended up with beach front property at the end of the row!  Fabulous and a wonderful view in the morning.  We grabbed dinner and hit the showers – very interesting, I must add, to shower in a semi-truck.  Hot water and privacy….I would have never thought it was possible!  Bedtime came quickly – fortunately at the same time that the Karaoke ended.  We were very close to the dining tent and I’m assuming that the final singers were just tired….or were only able to sing when alcohol is involved!  Our heads hit the pillow and day 1 was complete!

Komen 3Day - Day One - The Journey Begins!

I survived!  As a matter of fact, just like the Kaiser commercial, I thrived!  I remember thinking last week some time that this would be the one and only time that I would do this.  Apparently, walking the 3-Day is just like having a baby - at the end, you forget the pain, the endorphins kick in and you know that you will, in fact, do this again at some point.  I know now why some people return year after year.  This is an opportunity to see people at their very best....I believe it can be addicting.

Before I talk about the first day, I must talk about the last few weeks.  My biggest stress in this whole experience was the fundraising.  I don't know about you but $2300.00 is a huge chunk of change for me.  To walk, you must guarantee the funds....with your own credit card....EEEEEKKKK!  I went out on faith and gingerly punched in my number.  I must say that people have come out of the woodwork to help.  Gloria's school had a fundraiser and raised $1000.00 that she split between Loree and I.  My amazing staff sold cupcakes and nachos raising an additional $400.00.  I don't think people had the heart to turn them away as the went cubicle to cubicle with cupcakes - many of my coworkers donated $20.00 at a time for a cookie - now that's love!  I am waiting for my company's matching donation and I will be done!  Yeah!  Thank you everyone!

Thursday night, I went home and got my bag packed.  One bag filled with a sleeping bag, sleeping pad, clothes and supplies, all wrapped in plastic.  The weekend held many predictions of rain and we were told that the tents were too small to hold us and our bags so they would need to be outside during the night.  I had two pairs of shoes, nine pairs of socks and lots and lots of pink.  I've never been partial to this color before with my red hair but what the heck - I'm not going to be the one in green in a sea of 4000 pinkies.  Did I have all of the essentials?  Excedrin migraine....check!   500 bandages of various sizes and shapes....check!  A miraculous fanny pack that we have decided could hold a couch if we needed it to.....check!  All ready....4am came very early!

Eric drove the four of us to Del Mar (Gloria, Stacy, Loree and me)....Five adults and four very large bags.  No amount of pushing would allow them to fit in the trunk.  The girls had to hold one of them in their  lap during the drive.  I know know that i should have tried to get it into my fanny pack....It is apparently like the tent in Harry Potter....small on the outside but as big as a palace on the inside.

We realized after talking that we all had various ailments - together we were made up of a UTI, cramps, a bad knee, varicose veins and a blistered foot.  (Eric truly enjoyed that conversation....I think his eyes glazed over and at one point seemed to consider jumping out the window!).  He dropped us off and our bags and drove away...in his warm car....at 5:15am.  We dropped off our bags and immediately headed to the restroom...one of our teammates let us know that she would most likely need to stop about every ten feet to go again.  And so the day began!

We proudly put on our bunny ears supplied by Energizer and walked into the holding area.  Cyndi, our fifth adopted teammate made her way in as we huddled together.  We were given an inspirational speech and watched the raising of the flags with the names of those taken by Breast Cancer.  Very emotional....very inspiring.  And then.....what we were in became increasing clearer....we were in a cow pen.  As the gate opened, 4000 people moved forward in baby steps for their turn to get into the long gated pathway to begin the walk.  Loree looked at me and very insightfully stated...."Moo".  I was grateful to see that once again....as always....we were on the same page! 

I'll write more tonight - so much to tell and laugh about.  Love to you all!

D-Day aproaches....or is that B (Breast) Day?

It is October 19th today....one month until D-day for the Breast Cancer walk!  Four more weeks of training....four more weeks of fundraising...I'm hoping that this whole experience isn't anti-climactic from all of the build up for the past six months. It's hard to believe that we started training in April.  Have I trained enough?  Absolutely not!  Will I survive?  I'm pretty sure I will due to one thing only....I have an internal tracking device that focuses on only one thing during any walk.  Once you release me from the car, I have only one goal....to get back to the car.  I will walk until I find it....I'm not even sure if I'm truly conscious during the whole time....I'm more like a racehorse running back to the stable. 

Eric and I walked 6 miles to get breakfast on Saturday.  We walked from our house off of Pepper Drive in El Cajon to the Omelet Factory which is on the far side of Santee.  It was actually a great walk....full of time to talk on the way there.  Once we ate and started back, Eric noticed a small and subtle difference.  I don't talk as much....and I walk faster!  Why?  I'm pointed towards home....my mind becomes settled on one goal and one goal only....when do I get to stop?  It may be a weird and disturbing quirk...but I'm counting on it getting me through the three days.  My goal will then, of course, have to change to....where is my tent? 

I also have another weird quirk when it comes to hills... I don't talk at all.  I'm only thinking two things...      a) breathe and b) take the next step.  I can walk for miles upon miles on flat ground.  Hills kick my butt...still.  I sound like an asthmatic on the way up.  I become a great listener...or at least have the appearance of a great listener.  I'm not really listening.   My mind is just reciting...breath...and take...the... next...step.  Loree has accepted this about me and doesn't tell me anything on hills that she wants me to comment on.  This is the sign of a true friend.  She accepts me for who I am...a lousy conversationalist at a 45 degree angle.  Thank God for good friends!

I'm excited to take on this journey with several good friends - Loree, Gloria, and Stacy are a great support system and a continual source of encouragement.  This walk has brought us closer.  Loree and I will be even closer still since we will be sharing a tent.  Once again... she is a good friend.  She already knows that I snore.  Even if she hadn't shared a room with me before, remember that she was next to me at my last Yoga class.  I haven't done a corpse pose since....

Life is good....I was a little down during my last post.  I think I've recovered.  I will most likely struggle with my weight my entire life.  We all have our crosses to bear.   I wear mine on my sleeve...or in my pants size, I guess.  It could be worse.  Dogs and children could hate me....(Loree, no comment here.  That kid has grown up and you no longer have that dog!).  I could be friendless...something I have never experienced.  God has blessed me with an abundance of amazing people to spend time with.  All in all, in spite of my ever present battle with weight, I have a great life.  And heck....if I ever get down to size...what will I write about?

 Love you all!

Gimme the Easy Button!

Five weeks have passed since my last post.  Enough time has passed for me to have yet another paper due...the paper related to my last post.  You know, the one about my fabulous weight loss....or lack of, as it seems.  Have I mentioned that I'm a stress eater?  Have I also mentioned that I'm in two classes, one of which is Nursing Research?  The Nursing Research class requires me to find two research articles a week, critique them and add an amazingly brilliant comment to six classmates posts.  My other class is a Community Health class - this would be the one that I wrote my weight loss paper for.  Now....I am supposed to write a synopsis of my past four weeks...and how I did on my goals....  I'm not sure if I go with an honest "I stink and will be fat forever" or something more like "I realized that my goals were very ambitious and chose to rewrite them to state that I will do a daily search of the most successful appetite suppressant" which I must add.... I would have met!

It's funny how we all want an easy pill...something akin to the easy button!  I wrote in a post today that if we could liquefy motivation and put it in a capsule, we would be rich!  Take a pill and you will suddenly be self-disciplined and able to make any change that you desire!  Hand it over, bud....I'll pay a months salary for it!  But the pills that I researched all came with either horrible side effects (think....Anal leakage!) or a list of reviews telling how much money they had lost on an ineffective product!  Regardless of what products abound, motivation still must come from within.  Mine is buried deep inside me...somewhere under a chocolate cookie and Taco Bell burrito, I'm sure. 

Tommy has decided that we should do P90X.  According to the infomercial, in 90 days I will have the cut, hard body of a 20 year old.  Apparently this product effects gravity and time travel!  Unfortunately, in my 20's, I was not a hard body....I was more of a fluffy body.  Not fat by any means but more voluptuous and curvy.  I am still voluptuous and curvy...or is it more....bumpy?  I went from curvy in the right places to where in the heck did that roll come from?  Soooo....with P90X, I will loose my 20 excess curves and become fit, healthy and slim.  Ahhh...then comes the catch....you know there always is one!  I have to actually do the exercises....not just watch the video...Not looking as likely!

I am continuing my training for the 3Day walk although I need to kick it up a notch.  I'm heading out today to buy some new shoes....I have learned that you don't go cheap when you're walking 60 miles.  Cheap shoes do many blisters and painful feet make.  I am also continuing with my fundraising which I think is part of my eating issues.  I've never been good at asking for money regardless of the cause.    So, I throw it out, get no response and eat a cookie.  Apparently, now my weight issues are the fault of Susan G Komen.  And we all thought she was this incredible, intelligent women that has raised awareness and funds for an incredibly worthy cause...

So what are your thoughts?  What has worked for you?  I no longer trust Internet reviews as for every negative review, there is a product developer writing a positive one right underneath!  I do...however...trust you!  Since I can't find the Easy Button, help me find the "with some effort, it may work" button.  I know that I have it in me somewhere....I have been here before and temporarily conquered the fat women inside me.  My thin person has seen the light of day at least three times in the past ten years....before my fat side swallowed her up again.  She's in there....I need to get her out before she disappears all together!  Life is good....fat or thin...but in the end, I'd rather be thin!  

Love to you all!

My worlds collide....

I have my life very compartmentalized.  I have my work....my family....my school....my never ending struggle with my body.  It's all very separate....until now.   One of my classes is Health Promotion and Disease Prevention in a Diverse Community.  I am on Unit 2 and apparently the Diverse Community is....me.   My paper that is due tomorrow requires me to make a Wellness contract outlining some health issue that I am promising to change in the next four weeks.  OK...you know me....what the heck else could I choose?  You got it....I chose my weight.  Why not...I'm an expert in how to discuss...write about...and contemplate weight loss.  Now apparently my instructor would like me to go to the next level...you know....actually loose some weight.  Is there a grade on this?

I needed to have my Contract signed by someone....I chose my husband.  Why not?  He has seen my unclothed...there is no hiding my weight problem from him.  I do appreciate that he only let a small smirk show while he signed the contract.   He then turned around and didn't comment....smart man.  I believe that part of his smirk relates to his knowing my type A personality with school and my Type D personality with my weight loss.  I think he backed up to avoid getting caught up in the implosion.

How does my work become involved?   I have been hit and miss at the gym the last few weeks.  I work out with Joy when I'm there - she is my own personal trainer....and personal motivator.  No more hit and miss now....I have to be there.  Again...there may be a grade on the line!  Wow...I should have thought of this earlier.  Joy is great at pushing me when I need it.  I will also need to up my walking from my weekend walks to more during the week.  Hey...I may need to take a vacation since I don't see any time to work fitting in here!

So....I will let you know how it goes.  I'm going back to what has worked before....Weight Watchers.  I have the point system and know my goal.  I have to keep a goal diary for four weeks.  It would be quite lovely if I could actually keep it up for....say....the next four years instead....or the next forty if I live that long.  I know I need lifelong changes.  Forgo the snackage.  See food as a means of survival rather than a comforting friend in times of stress.  It really is pretty two faced as a friend anyway....when I'm not looking, it hits me in the pants size.  Not a sign of a good friend. 

I'll check in next week and let you know how its going.   I'll be praying to convert my weight loss personality into a type A....there has to be a reset button on me somewhere.  It's time I find it. 

Zipping down the Zipline!

Aha!  Another milestone!  I broke out of my big girl bondage to take the Flightline at Wild Animal Park.   My Breast Cancer 3 Day team decided to take the trip together.  Gloria, Loree and I spent the morning at the Breast Cancer 3-Day Expo (which was amazing since we met and recruited our fourth team member!) and then hustled to Escondido for our adventure.  It was a fantastic trip...well worth the several, although subtle, reminders of my big girl status. The Flightline experience begins with.....wow....getting weighed.  There are strict stipulations regarding weight.  You must weight between 75 and 250 pounds.  I assume that the decision to actually weigh everyone came from the frightening thought of arguing with a large woman who swears that she is under 250 but is most obviously in the 300 pound range.  Would you want to take that on?  Yeah...me either.  As a fat girl, I can tell you.....we get very cranky when our weight comes up. 

So...on the scale I go.  Its a huge metal square actually in the ground.  I looked around for a neon light above me bellowing my weight to everyone around.  The attendant was good...he didn't even blink an eye.  He just stamped my hand and handed me some forms.  Yeah!  I passed the first test!  As I was walking to the next check point, I glanced at my forms.  What is that..number..in...the...bottom...corner?  Oh....that looks oddly familiar....and wow....that's...my...weight...in...writing....!  I quickly turned it over and handed it to the next attendant.  No such luck.  He flipped it right back and reached behind him for a harness.  A big one.  Hey...in the grand scheme of things...at least there was one that fit!

We got a quick class on putting the harness on.  Ties, buckles, clips everywhere.  This is good, since they would be responsible for keeping us safe 60 feet above the ground.  We also learned the difference between the flight position (arms bent and pulling the straps to the shoulders) and the landing position (arms straight and laying back into the sling).  After the harness is on, we walked up a ramp to the Fledgling run.  It is small and only about six feet off the ground.  The attendant, who I must comment weights about 90 pounds, sizes us up.  She picks four of us....we all notice that size is definitely a factor since we are all bigger than the other four remaining visitors.  This is a bit depressing since out of eight people, I was chosen second.  No problem.  I can take it.  She explains that on this run, the brakes can only be set as a group.  The next run can be set individually so we can go with whoever we want.  Good, I think.   Little did I know....

We get strapped onto the line and hover for a few moments, swinging in the air.  The attendant reminds us again to keep our legs apart.  No problem...my knees haven't been able to touch in years.  I get into flight position and she releases the brake.  Fast...fast...fast....soaring towards some very calm gentlemen on the opposing platform.  He has two orange sticks up in the air signaling me to stay in flight position.  As he moves the sticks downward to signal the landing position, I suddenly hit a series of brakes designed to slow me down.  BAM....BAM....BAM....Very loud...vary jarring.....Very effective!  I stopped....and before he had to jump out of the way!   Fifteen seconds and it was over.  Thank Goodness that this is the short run.  I swayed for a few moments and then he brought me over a step ladder to stand on while he disconnected me.   Loree and I watched the remainder of the group take their trip and then jumped aboard a truck to take us to the Mainline. 

The Mainline starts on a platform 60 feet above the ground.  It looks more like 160 feet.  You can't even see the wires for a few minutes.  It looks like you will sailing off into....nowhere!  Gloria, Loree and I were all going first.  Our guide began telling us what number we would be.  I was number 3.  I was reminded of the whole "independent brake" issue when I heard our guide on the radio.   We have a R on line 2, a F on line 3 and a W on line 4.  I'm assuming that meant Regular for Loree, Wispy for Gloria and Fat Girl for me.  This was later confirmed when we heard the responding radio later say...."We can't take a F on line 1.....the brakes won't take it!"  In the end, do I want the Fat Brakes?  You bet....Forget my pride....I don't want to have the little girl brakes and end up on the other side of the platform...falling into the lions den!  Don't think that they weren't looking up and sizing me....a meal fit for the whole pride!

The ride was great.  Two minutes of soaring like a Condor, as the add states!  The animals were running around beneath us....most likely thinking...Wow...That's one well fed Condor!  Eventually the other platform came into view with the attendant holding the orange sticks.  Down they go - I push into landing position.  Here we go again.... BAM...BAM...BAM...BAM....I stop....and then slowly start moving backward....off of the platform....hanging in the air....I start flapping like a Condor...trying to get back above the platform.  I must have looked ridiculous since the attendant yelled...."It's OK....you'll come back!"   I did...and then swayed in the air while Loree and Gloria joined me.  Each of us got unhooked and walked back to the gate to complete our journey. 

It was a great day.  One I will most likely repeat.  I'm almost ready to do the sky diving but since that requires me to make some stranger strap up with me, I think it's more socially conscious to wait.   I can't decide if I want a 250 pound guy that will at least absorb some of my weight or some 150 pound guy that will make us less likely to fall like a rock!   Sooooo....that may still be a distant goal at this point.  But...that's OK!  I'm still going to live right now in other ways.  I'm still focusing on taking the weight off, but plan on just living while I'm doing it.  I started reading a book by Loretta LaRoche called "Lighten Up!".  To give you an idea of what she writes, she has another book titled "Life is Short-Wear Your Party Pants".  I'm enjoying her point of view.  Eat less...exercise more....and stop perseverating about it.  I may just be able to make this work!

Love to you all!

Candy is sweet....but victory is sweeter!

Victory!!!!  Victory is mine...I did the Kick Boxing class again and did not...a) pass out, b) throw up or c) leave at the 30 minute mark.  Joy and I did leave a few minutes early but only to get ready for work.  I believe I actually had an asthma attack with an audible wheeze at some point , but the music was so loud that I figured that no one could hear me anyway.  Actually, at one point, I couldn't tell if I was getting my beat from the bass in the music or from my carotid arteries pounding in my ears.  I believe I actually went past "red faced" and reached a new shade of periwinkle...red from the blood pounding in my head and blue from the fact that I was still getting no oxygen in.  Joy came over twice to whisper.."are you OK?"  I smiled and gasped...."Yeah...great....why?"  It may have been the fact that those three words took about 3 minutes and several gasps of air each to get out.  But who cares.......I didn't leave!!!!!!!!!

I still believe that the teacher is some form of animal.  She asked us twice to try to kick her as she walked by.  "Kick with force...try to get me in the head when I come by...."   I can kick high.  It was tempting.  She was very encouraging as she passed though and even waved when we left.  I think she was relieved.  She looked a little disturbed when she first came in like she was thinking....great, the wimpy fat girl is back.  I felt a little more respected when I left.  My kicks may not have been as high and I may have been jabbing when others were upper cutting but overall, I was moving....fast....hard....blue...but still....moving! 



Have you ever seen the Nutrigrain commercial in which the woman grabs a breakfast bar instead of a donut and this spurs on a full day of good choices?  I won't say that I made every great choice today but I did not hit the candy jar even once.  Nope.....I was not going to waste one back kick....one upper jab or one step of that infernal jump rope on refined sweets.  I needed to prove something to myself today.  It worked....I was on a high all day.  It took about two hours for my face to return to normal...I was walking around looking like a radiation victim for quite a while.  Again....who cares!!!!  I didn't leave!!!!!!

Soooo.....I will be heading for bed in a few minutes so that I can resume my healthy habit of waking at 4am and hitting the gym at 5am.  I feel good today....I had a brief glimpse of why people can get addicted to exercise.  I don't really think it's that actual exercise that does it....it's making it to the end and saying...Hey!  I did it!  So while this may seem like a very small accomplishment....I will relish it and let it carry me through to another day...and another.  Life is good.....