Dementia I knocking at my door. Loudly. I spent five minutes on Monday looking for my work badge. You know, the one with the key and fob to enter the building. The one that I had to wait three years to get. That one. I was in a slight panic while searching. My husband was very helpful. “you must have put it somewhere…” hmmm….thank you. Now, I am very routine oriented. I put my badge in my purse religiously. Every day. Without fail. Where the heck was it? And then I looked down….and found it. It was around my neck.
As a nurse, I know that Dementia is a progressive disease. It gets worse with time. I started to questions myself. Is it worse? Am I noticing memory changes? I do realize that this question has never made sense to me. If I was having memory changes…..would… I… remember… them? I started scanning back over my life. Then it hit me. This is nothing new. Ahhh, a sigh of relief. Seventeen years ago, I had a similar situation. I was at the beach with my then, three little boys. I could see Tommy and Chris playing in the sand. But where was Matt? He is the youngest…only two years old. How could he have gotten away so fast? Oh my Lord…what kind of a parent am I. Just because I have three, it’s not ok to lose one. My friend noticed my panic and started asking questions. “What’s wrong?” she asked calmly. “I can’t find Matt”, I respond, trying to keep the rising hysteria at bay. She begins to laugh, as she has so many times before. “He’s in your arms”. I look immediately to my left and there he is. Amazing. This is what happens when you are right handed. You forget you have a left arm. And apparently, whatever it is carrying. Don’t think I didn’t give him heck for not speaking up.
So, apparently, I’m ok. I am not progressing down the road to Dementia. I arrived almost 20 years ago. No problem. It’s been one heck of a journey. At some point, I’ll try to sit down and remember parts of it!
Love to you all…..
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Back from Bombeck...
I am back from the Erma Bombeck Writing Workshop. Wow...what a ride. It was three days of excitement with about 350 other writers, all working with some form of humor. Now, notice, I said it..."other writers". I'm taking the plunge and calling myself one. If I learned nothing else (and trust me, I did!), I learned that I don't have to have a book on Oprah to call myself a writer. I'm still in awe of this little step.
I met some truly amazing people. I found a bit of a twin on the first day. She and I both sat down at the same time...both a bit nervous to be journalistic virgins per say. The timing was "write" and I think I made a friend for ages to come.
I also learned that I cannot walk a straight line...fortunately. While meandering up the hallway, I mindlessly pinned some poor woman to the wall! She forgave me and sat with me at dinner. She was a fabulous dinner partner who has a wealth of very solicited advice. There was a group of woman that I have been adding to my email, Facebook, etc. All writers....all just plain good people. I'm on a high. And not like the kind from my 20's. The good kind.
Erma would be proud - this was group which seemed to hold no pretentiousness seen with other professions. Seasoned writers and newbies all interacted and I don't believe I have laughed this much...ever! I don't think you can get any better than spending three days with almost 400 people that love humor. Anyone who came in introverted (or constipated as we learned was the definition) would be unable to hide out long...there was always someone new to talk to...learn from....laugh with.
The challenge was given to write at least three times a week. I'm a bit...well..."eeek"ish right now but I'm up for the challenge. As a matter of fact, this could help my weight loss. To write, I must have material. To have material, I must get off the couch. Not a lot of funny happens while watching TV. Sooo.....it looks like exercise is back in my schedule, if for nothing else than giving me something to laugh at. Those that have watched me exercise are already chucking. Loree has been after me to join the Three Day Breast Cancer walk. It is a great cause. While my own breasts have joined the middle aged crowd and can currently be tucked in my pants if I can't find my bra, I have a deep respect for those that have taken this journey. I recently had a student who had a double mastectomy and was in class four days later, smiling and ready to face life. Incredible woman.
I am also seriously affected by the plane seats and my size. My ride home was better. I sat with one older gentlemen on the first flight who was of average size. I can do average size. I just can't do a double of me in the same row. They really should look at weight class when they make the seating assignments. Hmmm.....here's a size 2...she can sit next to the 2X in row 12. Seems like it would even balance out the plane better. If all the Lane Bryant shoppers end up on one side, we could feasibly just end up circling the city.
They got it right on the second flight. Average sized male, size 2 woman, size 1X woman. We all fit. Thank God, because that was the 4 1/2 hour flight. The only problem with sitting next to a size two is realizing that she could fit her entire body in one of your pants legs. I tried to keep my eyes on my book. Since she was very forgiving of my hips being slightly on her side, I forgave her for being thin. I'm sure she has other redeeming qualities.
Ok - off to rest. I have been up since 1am SD time. It's been an energizing experience but I'm feeling my mind start to wander....Squirrel! Hope you all have a great week!
I met some truly amazing people. I found a bit of a twin on the first day. She and I both sat down at the same time...both a bit nervous to be journalistic virgins per say. The timing was "write" and I think I made a friend for ages to come.
I also learned that I cannot walk a straight line...fortunately. While meandering up the hallway, I mindlessly pinned some poor woman to the wall! She forgave me and sat with me at dinner. She was a fabulous dinner partner who has a wealth of very solicited advice. There was a group of woman that I have been adding to my email, Facebook, etc. All writers....all just plain good people. I'm on a high. And not like the kind from my 20's. The good kind.
Erma would be proud - this was group which seemed to hold no pretentiousness seen with other professions. Seasoned writers and newbies all interacted and I don't believe I have laughed this much...ever! I don't think you can get any better than spending three days with almost 400 people that love humor. Anyone who came in introverted (or constipated as we learned was the definition) would be unable to hide out long...there was always someone new to talk to...learn from....laugh with.
The challenge was given to write at least three times a week. I'm a bit...well..."eeek"ish right now but I'm up for the challenge. As a matter of fact, this could help my weight loss. To write, I must have material. To have material, I must get off the couch. Not a lot of funny happens while watching TV. Sooo.....it looks like exercise is back in my schedule, if for nothing else than giving me something to laugh at. Those that have watched me exercise are already chucking. Loree has been after me to join the Three Day Breast Cancer walk. It is a great cause. While my own breasts have joined the middle aged crowd and can currently be tucked in my pants if I can't find my bra, I have a deep respect for those that have taken this journey. I recently had a student who had a double mastectomy and was in class four days later, smiling and ready to face life. Incredible woman.
I am also seriously affected by the plane seats and my size. My ride home was better. I sat with one older gentlemen on the first flight who was of average size. I can do average size. I just can't do a double of me in the same row. They really should look at weight class when they make the seating assignments. Hmmm.....here's a size 2...she can sit next to the 2X in row 12. Seems like it would even balance out the plane better. If all the Lane Bryant shoppers end up on one side, we could feasibly just end up circling the city.
They got it right on the second flight. Average sized male, size 2 woman, size 1X woman. We all fit. Thank God, because that was the 4 1/2 hour flight. The only problem with sitting next to a size two is realizing that she could fit her entire body in one of your pants legs. I tried to keep my eyes on my book. Since she was very forgiving of my hips being slightly on her side, I forgave her for being thin. I'm sure she has other redeeming qualities.
Ok - off to rest. I have been up since 1am SD time. It's been an energizing experience but I'm feeling my mind start to wander....Squirrel! Hope you all have a great week!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Flying in the Fat Suit
I'm on vacation this week. I flew to Ohio for a writing conference...a humor writing conference. On the trip, I will visit my sister also. As usual, the trip out gave way for good writing material.
I must ask...have airline seats gotten smaller over the past years? I sat, on a four hour flight, in the absolutely back row and the middle seat. My neighbor looked at me and said, "you must be up for some kind of punishment to get that seat! What in God's name did you do?" It looked for a few moments that we were going to be OK. The seat to my right was empty. Just...a...few...more...minutes...until...takeoff. I anxiously looked up the isle to see a woman that had at least 50 pounds on me pass all of the other rows...and point to the seat on my right. She checked her ticket several times, probably in hopes of some miracle number switch or maybe a terrorist attack leading to us getting off the plane. Nope...no such luck....that seat was hers. I think she goosed me twice while putting on her seat belt.
Fortunately, she fell asleep on the flight as our legs were touching more than I usually experience with my husband. The poor man to my left was trying to find out why the arm rest wouldn't go down all the way. What can I say...my thigh was in the way. I have the bruising to prove it. I tried moving over a little but would have had to spoon my right hand neighbor...as my son would say...it was just a whole mess of awkward.
The second flight was heaven. Still the last row, but all to myself. Three seats....no neighbors. I couldn't ask for more. Apparently I had served my sentence with the first flight. I read an entire book between the two flights and again have learned a life lesson. If possible, take the last row. There is absolutely no pressure to jump up when the plane lands. I read the last ten pages in peace while the rest of the plane stood or tried to stand waiting for their turn to deboard. I knew I was last. It was great! I think I'll opt for that every time!
My sister has saved me about $500.00 as she lives ten miles from the conference. I am spending the week at her 150 year old house. You know, the one that is four times larger but 1/3 of the price of my postage stamp house in San Diego. It is beautiful...and huge. I love it. I guess, however, that 150 year old houses have their own issues. Like broken pipes. Like broken pipes that take over 24 hours to fix because they don't make that part anymore. Again...life lesson. You CAN take a shower with nothing but facial cleansing wipes. On someone my size, it did take half the pack but it did work. I was...clean..or at least, not dirty.
I also must add that my sister got all the cooking talent in the family. I have had biscuits and gravy, chicken and dumplings and she is preparing a Mile High Strawberry Pie for tomorrow. this is a dish from our childhood that has about 1000 calories per slice but is worth every one of them. Hopefully I packed my fat pants.
The week is off to a great start. I love being in Ohio and I spend a great night tonight meeting other writers. Actually, meeting some "real" writers...you know...ones that are published and paid. It was wonderful tonight - the energy was amazing and the people were friendly. What was I expecting at a Humor Conference? The fear of the unknown never makes sense, does it? I'll keep writing one way or another. I'm hoping to come away with some new ideas and maybe some discipline. I would like to post at least once a week. For those that continue to read what I've written.... Thank you....you have saved me once again from becoming a middle aged alcoholic. OK, off to bed now. The conference starts at 8:00am tomorrow. That is 5:00am San Diego time....and I have not seen one Starbucks!
Love to you all!
I must ask...have airline seats gotten smaller over the past years? I sat, on a four hour flight, in the absolutely back row and the middle seat. My neighbor looked at me and said, "you must be up for some kind of punishment to get that seat! What in God's name did you do?" It looked for a few moments that we were going to be OK. The seat to my right was empty. Just...a...few...more...minutes...until...takeoff. I anxiously looked up the isle to see a woman that had at least 50 pounds on me pass all of the other rows...and point to the seat on my right. She checked her ticket several times, probably in hopes of some miracle number switch or maybe a terrorist attack leading to us getting off the plane. Nope...no such luck....that seat was hers. I think she goosed me twice while putting on her seat belt.
Fortunately, she fell asleep on the flight as our legs were touching more than I usually experience with my husband. The poor man to my left was trying to find out why the arm rest wouldn't go down all the way. What can I say...my thigh was in the way. I have the bruising to prove it. I tried moving over a little but would have had to spoon my right hand neighbor...as my son would say...it was just a whole mess of awkward.
The second flight was heaven. Still the last row, but all to myself. Three seats....no neighbors. I couldn't ask for more. Apparently I had served my sentence with the first flight. I read an entire book between the two flights and again have learned a life lesson. If possible, take the last row. There is absolutely no pressure to jump up when the plane lands. I read the last ten pages in peace while the rest of the plane stood or tried to stand waiting for their turn to deboard. I knew I was last. It was great! I think I'll opt for that every time!
My sister has saved me about $500.00 as she lives ten miles from the conference. I am spending the week at her 150 year old house. You know, the one that is four times larger but 1/3 of the price of my postage stamp house in San Diego. It is beautiful...and huge. I love it. I guess, however, that 150 year old houses have their own issues. Like broken pipes. Like broken pipes that take over 24 hours to fix because they don't make that part anymore. Again...life lesson. You CAN take a shower with nothing but facial cleansing wipes. On someone my size, it did take half the pack but it did work. I was...clean..or at least, not dirty.
I also must add that my sister got all the cooking talent in the family. I have had biscuits and gravy, chicken and dumplings and she is preparing a Mile High Strawberry Pie for tomorrow. this is a dish from our childhood that has about 1000 calories per slice but is worth every one of them. Hopefully I packed my fat pants.
The week is off to a great start. I love being in Ohio and I spend a great night tonight meeting other writers. Actually, meeting some "real" writers...you know...ones that are published and paid. It was wonderful tonight - the energy was amazing and the people were friendly. What was I expecting at a Humor Conference? The fear of the unknown never makes sense, does it? I'll keep writing one way or another. I'm hoping to come away with some new ideas and maybe some discipline. I would like to post at least once a week. For those that continue to read what I've written.... Thank you....you have saved me once again from becoming a middle aged alcoholic. OK, off to bed now. The conference starts at 8:00am tomorrow. That is 5:00am San Diego time....and I have not seen one Starbucks!
Love to you all!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The Definition of Stress Eating
It's official. I am a stress eater. I took a quiz and met the requirements. As a matter of fact, I answered yes to every question. "When you are stressed, do you eat without thinking?" Absolutely. "When you are stressed, do you crave carbohydrates?" This took some thought as I don't really crave anything in particular but look more for geographic location. What is closest? If that is an apple, I'm good. If it's a box of See's candy, you can see the problem. "Do you find yourself thinking about food when you are stressed?" Again, had to put some thought in. I find myself thinking about food lately most of the time. Now, using the if A=B and B=C, method, A=C which could mean that I am just stressed all of the time. Or I have Prader-Willi syndrome and you may want to put a padlock on my refrigerator. Sooo...in any case...I've always been told that having a diagnosis is always better. At least then you can treat the illness. Now I just need to determine the treatment plan.
You may be asking, "why are you stressed?" Let me take a short moment and describe the past three months. The past three months have brought three internal audits for accreditation prep and one external audit. The second is next week. We run a very good ship but I am a bit audited out now. Its amazing how time consuming accreditation prep can be even when you are crossing your t's and dotting your i's all along. I'm going through various changes in a few other programs that I oversee...again, positive in nature but very time consuming. This is all while continuing to do the daily operations that are a crap shoot when it comes to time planning. Some days are quiet....some are absolutely crazy. Where is that candy?
I started school in January. I just finished my first term. Let me give you insight as to what type of student I am. I missed four points this term. Out of 1000 possible points, I received 996. I am the definition of Type A. Where was my focus at the end of the term? How did I miss those four points? Arghhh. I would hate to be my own instructor. How sad is that? Isn't there a bag of corn chips around here anywhere?
Overall, my life is pretty great. I work with a skilled team of instructors that will pitch in to help with anything I need. I have learned, however, that I am not a great communicator. Several situations have arisen lately that have more than proven that. This has lead to me doing a majority of tasks myself. Now there are some tasks that I have attempted to delegate, only to find myself grabbing them back later. Again....I'm starting to see that this is from lack of appropriate training time given to the receiver, not necessarily a lack of desire to help. But...taking that time to train other people stresses me out, I'm discovering. Where did that bag of pretzels go?
So...much of my stress level is self inflicted. I think that is where I'm going to start. What can I delegate effectively? How can I work on my communication skills? Is it OK to get a B? Ok...I'm feeling a snack attack coming on just thinking about it. I just popped some gum. Hmmm....helping. I'm chewing but not really eating. This may work. Maybe if I invest in gum during the week, I can get this thing under control. I'm thinking, maybe about 30-40 packs? I agree...that's pretty optimistic. Better make it 50. My staff will tell you that I'm fortunate to not be a smoker. I am a chain-chewer. When I do chew gum, I can go through a whole pack in an hour. Scary, isn't it?
So this is my plan for today. Hmmmm.....come up with a plan.....today. Something to take my stress level down and help me get this stress eating under control. I have gained back ten of the pounds that I lost. There...I said it. It's out there now. If I don't stop, I will no longer look like an apple but will take on a full melon form. Or even worse, I will start looking like Jaba the Hut. I still have some semblance of an hour glass form (Albeit a very large hourglass!). Time to get back on track (please don't go back through my blog to see how many times I have said that!). I would like to be around to see my grand-kids and enjoy retirement. Keep me in your prayers. Love to you all!
You may be asking, "why are you stressed?" Let me take a short moment and describe the past three months. The past three months have brought three internal audits for accreditation prep and one external audit. The second is next week. We run a very good ship but I am a bit audited out now. Its amazing how time consuming accreditation prep can be even when you are crossing your t's and dotting your i's all along. I'm going through various changes in a few other programs that I oversee...again, positive in nature but very time consuming. This is all while continuing to do the daily operations that are a crap shoot when it comes to time planning. Some days are quiet....some are absolutely crazy. Where is that candy?
I started school in January. I just finished my first term. Let me give you insight as to what type of student I am. I missed four points this term. Out of 1000 possible points, I received 996. I am the definition of Type A. Where was my focus at the end of the term? How did I miss those four points? Arghhh. I would hate to be my own instructor. How sad is that? Isn't there a bag of corn chips around here anywhere?
Overall, my life is pretty great. I work with a skilled team of instructors that will pitch in to help with anything I need. I have learned, however, that I am not a great communicator. Several situations have arisen lately that have more than proven that. This has lead to me doing a majority of tasks myself. Now there are some tasks that I have attempted to delegate, only to find myself grabbing them back later. Again....I'm starting to see that this is from lack of appropriate training time given to the receiver, not necessarily a lack of desire to help. But...taking that time to train other people stresses me out, I'm discovering. Where did that bag of pretzels go?
So...much of my stress level is self inflicted. I think that is where I'm going to start. What can I delegate effectively? How can I work on my communication skills? Is it OK to get a B? Ok...I'm feeling a snack attack coming on just thinking about it. I just popped some gum. Hmmm....helping. I'm chewing but not really eating. This may work. Maybe if I invest in gum during the week, I can get this thing under control. I'm thinking, maybe about 30-40 packs? I agree...that's pretty optimistic. Better make it 50. My staff will tell you that I'm fortunate to not be a smoker. I am a chain-chewer. When I do chew gum, I can go through a whole pack in an hour. Scary, isn't it?
So this is my plan for today. Hmmmm.....come up with a plan.....today. Something to take my stress level down and help me get this stress eating under control. I have gained back ten of the pounds that I lost. There...I said it. It's out there now. If I don't stop, I will no longer look like an apple but will take on a full melon form. Or even worse, I will start looking like Jaba the Hut. I still have some semblance of an hour glass form (Albeit a very large hourglass!). Time to get back on track (please don't go back through my blog to see how many times I have said that!). I would like to be around to see my grand-kids and enjoy retirement. Keep me in your prayers. Love to you all!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The Curse of the Crumbly Cupcakes
If you read my last post, you understand that I have several reasons to loose weight. Bad genetics and high blood pressure top the list. After yesterday, I have another. I battled with myself on whether I should write about this or not. It's a bit...embarrassing. Then I read my earlier posts and decided that if you had hit the TMI point, it would have been much earlier.
Yesterday was a weird day for me. I woke up stuffy and a bit unfocused. Ok, I realize "unfocused" is normal but the "stuffy" was making it worse. I went through the day cleaning and doing homework as usual. We also had our 15 year old doggie put to sleep. Very sad but he was unable to get up and down anymore. Tommy looked at me afterward with a look that said that I better never get arthritis.
Then came the family day at my sons' high school. The game was wonderful. We were playing a team ranked number 6 in the city and lost by one point. And, I might add, almost made that last shot. Afterward, we were putting food away and were helping ourselves to homemade cupcakes. Now, I know what your thinking. Why, after stating that I was serious about loosing weight, was I eating a cupcake? It's because you weren't there to tackle me to the ground. Take some responsibility here! Well.....You weren't there but God was! He saw. What happened next can only be described as his way of making himself known.
The cupcake was wonderful...light and airy...and crummy. I mean....with a lot of crumbs. A lot of crumbs that apparently got stuck in my trachea. I coughed and took a very slow breath in. It didn't clear. I coughed harder and realized that there was a very little space that air was actually moving. I handed the cupcake to Eric and moved outside....coughing and wheezing. Now, as a nurse, I will comment that the number one thing to not do if you are having problems breathing? Be polite and go outside! If you are going to pass out, inconvenience everyone and do it in front of them! They may step over you and continue to do their tasks but at least one person will think to call 911.
Now, I was able to clear a larger airway but the crumbs were still in there. They were very tenacious. Somehow, they all joined their little crumb hands and made a big crumb ball. I continued to cough for about five minutes (no exaggeration here!) harder and harder. Ok, women.....what happens when you cough? ....or laugh?....or do anything requiring your diaphragm to contract? Yep....it happened. I started to pee. It was a vicious cycle. Cough....feel my bladder contract....stop coughing...stop breathing....cough.....feel my bladder contract....
As I was coughing, I removed my jacket to tie it around my waist. Now this was already uncomfortable since my jacket is on to cover my stomach. At that point, I decided that confirming to everyone that I was fat was better than giving them confirmation that I was incontinent.
Now my poor husband is watching this whole display and asking if he should step in. He is well aware that when I am sick or in pain, leave me alone. I'm not nice. He looked perplexed when I took off my jacket. What does that mean? The universal sign for choking is grabbing your throat with your hands. Did they change the sign? Is it now taking off your jacket? What is she doing?
I did explain when we were driving home. I also did notice him look over and most likely think...why are we in MY car? I did eventually clear my throat. Now this is the second time that I have choked in the past week. The first time was on a piece of carne asada. Too big a piece and not chewed well, I suppose. I realized that time that I couldn't get any air in. I tried clearing with the cough but then had to pull the meat out of my throat. How do I know that I have a eating disorder? I was really bummed, once I could breathe, that the last piece of meat was now in the trash. It's a sickness, I tell you! Now, that time I was at home. I could have peed my pants and no one would have known. Life is cruel.
So......my new reason for loosing weight? If I'm going to choke again, I definitely do not want to repeat this outcome. Loosing weight helps with joint problems, cardiovascular issues and overall self esteem problems. It's time. No more cupcakes. God is watching. And his wrath is one I would like to avoid in the future. Especially at my sons basketball games. Being a teenager is hard enough - add the fact that your mother peed her pants and it could just make it unbearable.
Love to you all!
Yesterday was a weird day for me. I woke up stuffy and a bit unfocused. Ok, I realize "unfocused" is normal but the "stuffy" was making it worse. I went through the day cleaning and doing homework as usual. We also had our 15 year old doggie put to sleep. Very sad but he was unable to get up and down anymore. Tommy looked at me afterward with a look that said that I better never get arthritis.
Then came the family day at my sons' high school. The game was wonderful. We were playing a team ranked number 6 in the city and lost by one point. And, I might add, almost made that last shot. Afterward, we were putting food away and were helping ourselves to homemade cupcakes. Now, I know what your thinking. Why, after stating that I was serious about loosing weight, was I eating a cupcake? It's because you weren't there to tackle me to the ground. Take some responsibility here! Well.....You weren't there but God was! He saw. What happened next can only be described as his way of making himself known.
The cupcake was wonderful...light and airy...and crummy. I mean....with a lot of crumbs. A lot of crumbs that apparently got stuck in my trachea. I coughed and took a very slow breath in. It didn't clear. I coughed harder and realized that there was a very little space that air was actually moving. I handed the cupcake to Eric and moved outside....coughing and wheezing. Now, as a nurse, I will comment that the number one thing to not do if you are having problems breathing? Be polite and go outside! If you are going to pass out, inconvenience everyone and do it in front of them! They may step over you and continue to do their tasks but at least one person will think to call 911.
Now, I was able to clear a larger airway but the crumbs were still in there. They were very tenacious. Somehow, they all joined their little crumb hands and made a big crumb ball. I continued to cough for about five minutes (no exaggeration here!) harder and harder. Ok, women.....what happens when you cough? ....or laugh?....or do anything requiring your diaphragm to contract? Yep....it happened. I started to pee. It was a vicious cycle. Cough....feel my bladder contract....stop coughing...stop breathing....cough.....feel my bladder contract....
As I was coughing, I removed my jacket to tie it around my waist. Now this was already uncomfortable since my jacket is on to cover my stomach. At that point, I decided that confirming to everyone that I was fat was better than giving them confirmation that I was incontinent.
Now my poor husband is watching this whole display and asking if he should step in. He is well aware that when I am sick or in pain, leave me alone. I'm not nice. He looked perplexed when I took off my jacket. What does that mean? The universal sign for choking is grabbing your throat with your hands. Did they change the sign? Is it now taking off your jacket? What is she doing?
I did explain when we were driving home. I also did notice him look over and most likely think...why are we in MY car? I did eventually clear my throat. Now this is the second time that I have choked in the past week. The first time was on a piece of carne asada. Too big a piece and not chewed well, I suppose. I realized that time that I couldn't get any air in. I tried clearing with the cough but then had to pull the meat out of my throat. How do I know that I have a eating disorder? I was really bummed, once I could breathe, that the last piece of meat was now in the trash. It's a sickness, I tell you! Now, that time I was at home. I could have peed my pants and no one would have known. Life is cruel.
So......my new reason for loosing weight? If I'm going to choke again, I definitely do not want to repeat this outcome. Loosing weight helps with joint problems, cardiovascular issues and overall self esteem problems. It's time. No more cupcakes. God is watching. And his wrath is one I would like to avoid in the future. Especially at my sons basketball games. Being a teenager is hard enough - add the fact that your mother peed her pants and it could just make it unbearable.
Love to you all!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Comfortable with Corpse pose
So....I started my exercise regimen. I began with yoga on Saturday. Mind you, this was a one and one-half hour class. With a woman that looks like mother earth in spandex. I twisted my body into many different positions that I didn't think I could achieve. One position was on hands and knees with my left foot and right hand meeting over my back. Please, try to picture that on a normal person, rather than on me. Another position is where you spread your legs and try to put your head on the floor. My least favorite is the crazy number of leg lifts that this instructor favors. I feel my abdomen. It is underneath about twenty pounds of fat but I feel it stirring....and in pain. Now, let me tell you that i have been unnaturally tired lately. This is not a good combination with yoga. Especially when they turn off the lights for Shavasana or corpse pose. This...is....very...relaxing. I fell asleep....and not quietly, from what Loree told me. In a room of very quiet corpses, I was the only one snoring. I will need to find another yoga class.
About a month ago, I bought the Sketcher Shape Up shoes. Loree now says that I should be their spokesperson. I have fallen in love with this incredibly odd looking footwear. My son says that look like Buzz Lightyear shoes. I don't care. I love them. More than I love him. (just kidding, Tommy. I love you both equally). I found a new use for them today.
I go to a very racially diverse church. We no longer look at each other as culturally different. Today a line was drawn that segregated us, no matter how hard we have tried to fight it. We have been separated into....those that can dance and those that can't. During one upbeat song, we were challenged to sway with the music. Guess what happens when you put on shoes with a rounded bottom. You can sway. You can sway in time to the music. Yes its true....in my new tennis shoes, I can forgo my Kentucky heritage. I can...using the term loosely....dance. Again...I will ask that you get the visual without me in mind. I don't' even want to see myself dancing. Thankfully, there were no mirrors. Especially since we were swaying, singing, clapping and even stomping at one point in the song. I stopped at the swaying, singing and clapping. I didn't want to push my luck and end up on my butt. God is good. He give us wisdom to know our limitations.
A new week is starting. Have you noticed that diets always start on Mondays. Tomorrow, I will jump in head first to getting back on track. Say a prayer for me. I love food. I don't enjoy exercise. Pray for my mind to get those sentiments swapped. I'd like to see my grandchildren when they are born. I'd like to take them to Yoga with me so we can nap together.
Have a good night everyone - Monday is coming!
About a month ago, I bought the Sketcher Shape Up shoes. Loree now says that I should be their spokesperson. I have fallen in love with this incredibly odd looking footwear. My son says that look like Buzz Lightyear shoes. I don't care. I love them. More than I love him. (just kidding, Tommy. I love you both equally). I found a new use for them today.
I go to a very racially diverse church. We no longer look at each other as culturally different. Today a line was drawn that segregated us, no matter how hard we have tried to fight it. We have been separated into....those that can dance and those that can't. During one upbeat song, we were challenged to sway with the music. Guess what happens when you put on shoes with a rounded bottom. You can sway. You can sway in time to the music. Yes its true....in my new tennis shoes, I can forgo my Kentucky heritage. I can...using the term loosely....dance. Again...I will ask that you get the visual without me in mind. I don't' even want to see myself dancing. Thankfully, there were no mirrors. Especially since we were swaying, singing, clapping and even stomping at one point in the song. I stopped at the swaying, singing and clapping. I didn't want to push my luck and end up on my butt. God is good. He give us wisdom to know our limitations.
A new week is starting. Have you noticed that diets always start on Mondays. Tomorrow, I will jump in head first to getting back on track. Say a prayer for me. I love food. I don't enjoy exercise. Pray for my mind to get those sentiments swapped. I'd like to see my grandchildren when they are born. I'd like to take them to Yoga with me so we can nap together.
Have a good night everyone - Monday is coming!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
If you see me coughing....
It's happened. I am officially in the "if you don't loose weight, bad things Will happen" category. I started feeling light headed this week and went to the MD. My assistant walked me out...in the rain...and refused to let me back in until I went to the MD. That girl has much to much power. I'll have to think on that when this lightheadedness goes away.
I have, unfortunately, a horrible family history. My father has had a triple bypass and my mother passed away from stroke related issues. Genetically, I hit the cardiovascular lottery. Not the good one...The MD that I saw this week was a true delight, however. He has been my GP for two years now. We had never met, which may tell you how often I go to the doctor. He was a young Asian man that does card tricks. And will explain to you about the most common side effects to your medication options. I had a choice of low heart rate, frequent urination (which I must say I already have!), sexual dysfunction or cough. I chose cough. If we are having a conversation and I seem to be coughing frequently, it is because I still wanted my heart beating, didn't want to have to interrupt to pee and well....you know. Nuff said. I had to laugh when he explained about the low heart rate making it difficult to exercise. I responded that I truly didn't need anything to help me "not" exercise. I had that down pretty well.
When I first came in, the nurse asked me to step on the scale. I assured her that this would not bring my blood pressure down. She insisted. It was ugly. I have gained 10 pounds. Then she took my blood pressure. Amazingly it was still high. I think it may be the scale. They scare me.
So....what is the point of this? I am enlisting my friends. If you see me with an ice cream, chocolate or hmmmm... a peanut butter ball, you have every right to tackle me to the ground and call me an idiot. I will then cough in your face but will appreciate your love and affection for me. Time to get serious. Loree is picking me up for Yoga. I once again will begin forcing my apple shape to become a tree...or a crane...or a downward dog. It's not pretty but it's time.
Love to you all!
I have, unfortunately, a horrible family history. My father has had a triple bypass and my mother passed away from stroke related issues. Genetically, I hit the cardiovascular lottery. Not the good one...The MD that I saw this week was a true delight, however. He has been my GP for two years now. We had never met, which may tell you how often I go to the doctor. He was a young Asian man that does card tricks. And will explain to you about the most common side effects to your medication options. I had a choice of low heart rate, frequent urination (which I must say I already have!), sexual dysfunction or cough. I chose cough. If we are having a conversation and I seem to be coughing frequently, it is because I still wanted my heart beating, didn't want to have to interrupt to pee and well....you know. Nuff said. I had to laugh when he explained about the low heart rate making it difficult to exercise. I responded that I truly didn't need anything to help me "not" exercise. I had that down pretty well.
When I first came in, the nurse asked me to step on the scale. I assured her that this would not bring my blood pressure down. She insisted. It was ugly. I have gained 10 pounds. Then she took my blood pressure. Amazingly it was still high. I think it may be the scale. They scare me.
So....what is the point of this? I am enlisting my friends. If you see me with an ice cream, chocolate or hmmmm... a peanut butter ball, you have every right to tackle me to the ground and call me an idiot. I will then cough in your face but will appreciate your love and affection for me. Time to get serious. Loree is picking me up for Yoga. I once again will begin forcing my apple shape to become a tree...or a crane...or a downward dog. It's not pretty but it's time.
Love to you all!
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