Disco anyone?

I blame Lane Bryant.  The store caters to big girls..one of which would be me.  I have always loved the store in the past.  It is the only place that I can be.....wait for it....a size 1!  I know what you're thinking....she does know that it's not really a size one....doesn't she?  Yes I do, but humor me.  It's most likely the only time I will ever hit a single digit in my lifetime.  I was a size 7 for a brief period after Christopher was born.  Then I got pregnant with Tommy....and Matt...and my hips have never been the same.

Back to Lane Bryant.  They are an illusion.  You walk in to their store and are surrounded by big girl clothes that are stylish and beautiful.  This may be after you have just hit three department stores and realized that their big girl section holds a grey sweater and a pair of sweat pants.  They sort of combine it with the big boys section and end up with an overall androgynous big peoples section...somewhere next to the flannel gowns and minimizers...or possibly plumbing supplies.  The point is that most departments stores have a sorry little big girls section because they believe that you should be sorry for being big.  I'm wandering, aren't I?  OK, back to Lane Bryant.  You walk in and are surrounded by clothes that don't make you think that you should hide in a tent or dress like you are an 80 year old grandmother...of 30 cats. 

 You revel in the thought that you can wear something somewhat attractive and fun.  This is where you head down a dangerous path.  It leads you to the outfit that will become your nightmare when you view your company Christmas party pictures....

Now it could be the fact that I have my mouth wide open that makes this picture even worse.  I can't tell if I'm saying...."STOP!"  or if I'm getting ready to place a piece of cheese in my mouth (notice the left hand).  Eric is either choking or anticipating his piece of cheese also...it was really good cheese.  Either way, I'm struck by the fact the I resemble a mobile disco ball.....or maybe a mackerel.  Those appear to either be shiny sequins or...maybe...scales.

Now this would be me dancing the Electric Slide...or possibly accepting my fate as a disco ball and shining my glorious light on everyone else dancing!  Notice the shiny fabric...covering my oversized midsection....something like a Christmas ornament!   I am now swearing off of silver sequins.  I have learned an important lesson.  Just because it is for sale does not mean that you should buy it.....just because they make it doesn't mean it will look good on you....and just because you want to look cute does not mean that everything will look cute on you.  To confirm this point, I will let you know that Lane Bryant also sells "skinny" jeans for big girls.  Skinny jeans on a big girl makes one look like an ice cream cone....it's not attractive.

So....my lesson is learned.  I don't trust Lane Bryant anymore.  I'll still shop there....the options are pretty slim....but I will take off my rose colored glasses before purchasing.  You know...the ones that make me think I really am a size 1! 

Love to you all!